Skip to main content

innate versus learned

Yesterday evening we were out for dinner. During the conversation the topic of gender came up and how N embraced part of what was traditionally feminine such as playing with Barbies but then rejected wearing dresses until she was much older.

She also admitted that she was generally attracted to masculine men to which I half-jokingly responded "then what are you doing with me?"

She then pointed to my less than stellar job of removing my nail polish and said smiling

"yeah I don't know"

"are you happy with who you are as a male?" she inquired.

"yes I am but there is this side that must be explored and is a strong part of who I am" I responded although I am paraphrasing since my exact response eludes me.

What she knows about me cannot be erased in her mind and even if I don't think you would guess I was trans from meeting me in male mode, so much of my behaviour has been learned.

I know how to play both parts when I need or want to. That is the great mystery of gender isn't it? How much is innate and how much is learned.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


indoctrination

As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…