Skip to main content

learning to let go...

Last time I took an IQ test I scored around 135. While this puts me in the top 2% of the general population, it's not exactly good enough to qualify for Mensa (it starts at 147) nor does it qualify for genius level.

Being intelligent has given me advantages in life but perhaps also made it more difficult in that it has often meant overthinking things and always wanting to know the whys. That desire to comprehend is why I had such a hard time accepting that I was transgender. Things like that just weren’t supposed to happen to a person like me; not when every other area in my life seemed to be under my control.

As I age one of the most important things I am learning is to let go and accept. This has removed a good deal of stress from my life and, as I approach the end of my 54th year of existence, I am still learning about myself and every day find some new grain of perspective to chew on.

Repatriating part of who you are takes time and what I used to see as an appendage to be cut away has been assimilated into my personhood. This means not trying to overcompensate with faux masculinity to hide something I no longer need or even wish to.





Comments

  1. Joanna,

    I don't know what my IQ is but, like you, I've spent a considerable effort investigating transgender and thought about it very much. Thank goodness we are all learning that the fact is that, while we may be uncommon, like left handed people or those with blue eyes, we are perfectly normal, like everyone else.

    This video is unrelated but I just came across it and I think you'll love it. Hope you're able to view it in the UK: http://youtu.be/PIvCh3EQv1Q

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the heads up Emma will check out the video...

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Last time I took an IQ test I scored around 135. While this puts me in the top 2% of the general population, it's not exactly good enough to qualify for Mensa".

    Actually, it could be. IQ is not a fixed measure; it all depends on the particular test being taken.

    Qualifying for Mensa requires a top 2% result in whichever test, but the generated IQ "score" for each test differs substantially. The two used by Mensa are the Cattell IIIB and the Cattell Culture Fair. For the first of those, you need to score 150 or higher; for the second, 135 would be good enough.

    Similarly, the tests online that give an IQ of 180 or whatever are completely meaningless, since you don't know what the percentiles are.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for clearing that up for me Jonathan

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…