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life as it really is

Based on scientific observation of every other area of biology, virtually every permutation of sex and gender identity should theoretically exist. Which begs the question: to what degree should that reality be subject to control by outside forces.

Historically these have been societal pressure and religious ideas about how life should be instead of how it actually is.

There is no shortage of beautiful and enlightened souls in this world which are matched if not exceeded by complete and total idiots. Just read the comments section of any internet article for evidence of this which seems to predominantly attract the latter. It is particularly bad when the article deals with transgender issues.

This means that if you spend any time at all worrying about how people perceive you it's one minute too many. I spent years as a shy young kid worrying about what a fickle society might think of me if I came out but I am way past caring at my age. Were anyone even give me a nasty look today I'd stare them down and ask if I could help them in some way.

However, while riding the subway the other day a young man tapped me on the shoulder and said to me:

“I just wanted to say that I think you are a beautiful person and I am glad people like you exist”

Now I could have been annoyed about being read but instead I found it so heartwarming that this young man did this and so I gracefully smiled and thanked him. It does not matter what stage of transition he may have assumed I was at but it confirmed that we need show we are proud and happy when we are out in the world. If I seem to project that then I am glad which makes being read more than worthwhile.

Another recent encounter had a young woman serving me coffee and commenting how much she liked my coat and presentation. When I quipped back "not bad for 50 hey?" she made a gesture with her head and finger I have seen African American women make which loosely translated would stand for "you got it goin' on girl". Needless to say I was pleased.

It helps make up for all those hateful comments from those who would deny us existence or even the right to pee.

The battle lines between trans people, radical feminists, religious and political conservatives have been drawn and it will take a while for the dust to settle. In the meantime we need to stand our ground and continue living by holding our heads high and keeping our self respect. Its the only thing that ultimately we can control.

Uninformed opinions are like assholes in that everyone has one but ultimately there is only one truth and that rests on respecting the rights of others if they don't infringe on your own. Some people will never get past that stage because their own insecurities won't allow them to.

For the record I have always used the women's bathroom and have never had an issue. That may be because I pass well but I also like to think that I live in a place where people have more enlightened attitudes about such things.


  1. Joanna,
    About 12 years ago (a lifetime in public awareness of transness) I went to a breakfast buffet after going to Mass one Sunday. It was in Battle Creek MI. My mannerisms were not particularly feminine at that time and I was read as I walked to the cashier upon entering. I seemed to be the focus of a lot of looks by the staff as it wasn't very busy yet. After finishing I left the restaurant and before I got too far a young lady came running out to give me a hug. She then thanked me for being true to myself. To this day, it brings joy to my heart that there are loving, understanding people in the world and it is only by remembering them can we survive in a world that contains those that choose to hate us.

  2. You are so absolutely correct Leann. One person can make up for many...


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