Musings from my everyday life...

I think that these days all bets are off regarding gender and its presentation.

I have read stories of people transitioning with full HRT and then continuing to present androgynously because that is where they are comfortable. Not all genetic women are very feminine so why some transgender women not be the same?

The options are very variable and you get to make up your own rules and for me living part time is what works and likely will for the long term.

The other day I ran into another Walt Heyer interview where he keeps saying that being transgender is actually a form of mental illness. But then here’s the rub: if people are happy living the way they are after years of being miserable, they function well in their jobs and in society how is that mental illness?

You cannot speak for others only for yourself and that is where he errs.

Don’t worry yourself too much about labels and proceed slowly and organically to a resting point that works for you. There is pure magic in that. There …

There's never been a better time in history to be yourself. Never before has there been so much opportunity to show the world who you really are and have them listen. Think about how far we have come in the last 5 years. There has been more progress than in the previous 100.

I gained my liberty in my late forties but so many young people today have it early on. They understand what makes them tick and they don't waver. No matter what anyone thinks they brave taunts and sneers and present their unique face to the world rather than shrinking in fear.

Ivan Fahy is one such example of a gender nonconforming gay man who knows himself.

As I watched this TED talk I couldn't help but admire the courage I wish I had possessed at his age.

Ivan went to his high school graduation wearing his beloved high heels which he also wears here...

It seems entirely intuitive and even logical that the more energy and years one has invested in their male identity the harder it is to adopt the female role. This whether you transition or not.

In that sense my journey has been long and laborious but I don't look back in disdain because that was all I knew at the time. I thought I was supposed to buy into the official script for my life.

So after my father's death I married and had children and for a few years lived the atomic age lifestyle of living in the burbs. It came undone in time because I was not living my reality but instead someone else's.

Today young people get more understanding and support and that's an amazing thing. I don't blame my own parents because they themselves were the product of their own education and socialization. We just didn't know better then.

God knows I tried so hard to fit in. I struggled with my identity all the while and put off the questioning as crazy delusions. Now I look…

Right wing fundamentalists keep getting confused and talk in terms of not being able to change sex or gender. Indeed you can’t but as Anne Vitale says you can change your gender role.

Gender role transitions allow people who feel they are transgender to live more authentic lives but somehow by allowing that little 0.3% of the population the dignity to live the way they want we are somehow doing the rest of society a huge disservice.

Recently some African American pastors protested that comparing the transgender cause with the black civil rights movement was a mistake. In wades Attorney General Loretta Lynch by saying:

“Where people are victimized because of a physical characteristic over which they have no control, that is exactly what the civil rights laws are meant to cover,”

She isn’t wrong.

But transgender people butt up against fundamentalist beliefs of some that God doesn’t make mistakes and people like us are instead delusional and mentally ill. Of course we are neither and h…

This video dates back to last year but could have been made just yesterday.

You might just laugh hysterically at sections of John Oliver's brilliant exercise in mockery of ignorant people and how they discriminate against the transgender. But not only is Oliver funny he is bloody well spot on!

Please watch....

The first time I ventured out of my parents house fully dressed as a woman was 1979. I remember it like it was yesterday.

My entire family was out for the evening and as soon as they left I ran upstairs and raided my mother's closet. Back then she even owned a wig and, although it didn't really suit me, I perched it on my head regardless. One of her dresses, a pair of her heels and one of her fall coats were also borrowed for the occasion.

I remember stepping out into the crisp autumn evening and walking for several blocks with mixed feelings of excitement, dread and freedom that would have me repeat this again and again. These little adventures would remain secret and sporadic for the next 25 years.

Looking back it was all so dramatic and as I write this I almost can't relate to why it had been such a big deal. Sometimes it just takes a long time to learn. I don't have the photographic evidence but the memories will remain etched in my brain until I leave this earth.

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In many ways Renee Richards is a contradiction. She transitioned many years ago and has a first hand and pragmatic understanding of all this that few could ever relate to. It was much harder back then and her notoriety did not help her to make a successful stealth life she had hoped to embark on.

I can understand the bittersweet nature of the words because it must not have been easy to do what she did at a time when few people understood this. Being transgender or transsexual is not an easy thing and her statements in an Esquire article show it.

There is both resignation and sadness in her words:

"In my day, of course, everything was done secretly and quietly, and if somebody went through the transformation, they did it privately. It was called 'woodworking': You merged into the woodwork after your transformation and you tried to lead a new life without people knowing what your previous life had been. And that's what I tried to do. I changed my name, I moved three tho…