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just one layer

I have come to view the sexuality of gynephilic transgender people as another layer of a larger and more complex picture. I think of it as a transparent film that forms part of many others glued together such that it cannot be separated from the rest.

Human sexuality is already complex enough but when you add having a desire to be female to the mix it becomes all the more so. What I have realized is that while this aspect is not driving me to transition it has adhered itself to my gender identity and wanes in significance with the passage of time.

People like us cannot naturally follow the prescribed rules of the binary because we were never equipped to do so. For whatever reason we were born with a difference that seemed to demand we go our own way right from the outset. Once you understand and accept this it makes it easier to function in life.

I was speaking to my mother yesterday and I mentioned that it might be a possibility that I could fully or partially socially transition once I retire. That is not very likely because I am very satisfied with the way things are right now. However, what was most interesting to me was that she did not bat an eyelash and she went on to mention that she had recently seen a very well put together crossdressed man at her local thrift shop. This is the kind of conversation I never would have dreamed of having with my soon to be 80 year old mother who is really is progressive is so many ways and wise about life.

That tends to happen when you've been around for a while although not everyone gets there.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…