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those bumps and bruises

We cannot control our lives.

I am learning more and more to let go and just let life happen because every time I have tried to think I know where mine is going it changes once again. Living one day at a time is really going to be my way forward from now on.

As we get older we become more philosophical about life and the bumps and bruises we receive are, if not easier to bear, then at least part of what we have seen before. We understand that all will be better in time.

During my mother's 80th birthday celebration, I sat down with my 21 year old nephew . He felt so alone amidst the commotion of cousins and aunts and uncles because he has a very hard to treat strain of schizophrenia. He had just returned from a Caribbean cruise with his parents and siblings (along with their significant others) and while all were having a good time he spent much of the trip hearing voices.

He understands that he is not well and he looks at you with a hollow stare that betrays that something is not right. You could spot him in the crowd without me telling you who to look for; it's that obvious. He feels and looks so lonely.

I feel bad for his father who I also chatted with for a time and he struggles to find the right dosage of medications that will help his son lead a somewhat normal life. Nothing thus far seems to be working.

When I think I have problems I only need to think of his situation.


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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…