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damaged goods

Rethinking everything I thought I understood about this issue took years which only proves that even people like me can have some degree of neuroplasticity in our brains.

There is a lot of effort involved in unlearning prejudices and preconceived ideas and studying this subject in depth was the only way that was going to happen for me. My background in physics and engineering almost demanded it.

In a way I've always envied people that go more by feel and don't need to delve into things. They know who they are and what they need to do. Now that I am older I see more value in that than ever.

I say this not just about being transgender but about everything.

As it turns out there was far more wiggle room in my life than I had imagined but I lived it as if there was an invisible container around me and I dare not step outside its boundaries. On the other hand living this way forged my discipline so I shouldn't complain.

A comment that Emma made the other day to one of my posts made me think. She said that for a long time she felt like damaged goods and that is exactly spot on. What a terrible thing to think and how many more of us felt the same?

But now in my fifties it feels so liberating its hard to even put into words.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…