Rethinking everything I thought I understood about this issue took years which only proves that even people like me can have some degree of neuroplasticity in our brains.
There is a lot of effort involved in unlearning prejudices and preconceived ideas and studying this subject in depth was the only way that was going to happen for me. My background in physics and engineering almost demanded it.
In a way I've always envied people that go more by feel and don't need to delve into things. They know who they are and what they need to do. Now that I am older I see more value in that than ever.
I say this not just about being transgender but about everything.
As it turns out there was far more wiggle room in my life than I had imagined but I lived it as if there was an invisible container around me and I dare not step outside its boundaries. On the other hand living this way forged my discipline so I shouldn't complain.
A comment that Emma made the other day to one of my posts made me think. She said that for a long time she felt like damaged goods and that is exactly spot on. What a terrible thing to think and how many more of us felt the same?
But now in my fifties it feels so liberating its hard to even put into words.