Skip to main content

how this blog has changed over time

Back in 2012 this blog started with a very personal tone. I was going through a crisis of identity and needed a vehicle to express my frustration. My making that journey public was to try and get and give feedback to others who also might be going through it.

Over time the emphasis and tone changed and it became more technical because I wanted to get into the topic and examine every crevice in order to understand myself.

I haven’t found all of the answers because we don’t possess them all but the journey has helped me immeasurably. Along the way I have found kindred spirits who have shared their struggles with gender dysphoria and how they have dealt with it in their lives.

I was given many talents and one big hurdle to overcome. Others have theirs and no one is immune from the hardships that sometimes come our way. That struggle has shaped who I am as a person, made me stronger and honed my curiosity about things more than if my life had been simpler. Of course I had a hand in making things more complicated because I refused to accept myself and if any of you still harbor this resistance I strongly urge that allow yourself the dignity to be yourself.

This blog is now about finding a balance between positive stories and videos to inspire us, sharing some of my own personal reflections and of course keeping up the technical aspects because this subject so fascinates me and we know so little still. It is also full of people trying to propagate their own myths.

I know I am mostly writing for people close to my generation because the young won't have to face the same prejudice and resistance that we did. For that I am very thankful because the world that they will grow up in will be that much more welcoming than ours was.

Having said all that, I hope you stick around for the ride.


Comments

  1. We tend to ride on the same side of the street so I will gladly come along for the ride

    ReplyDelete
  2. Joanna,

    I deeply appreciate your daily writings and look forward to seeing what you have to say. Often, I am provided with something to consider that day and look forward to adding my thoughts to yours. Thank you for so much, your openness, clarity, and sincerity.

    Emma

    ReplyDelete
  3. I visit your blog everyday. I have learned so much since I found it. We still have a long way to go. Thank you so much for your blog.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones…