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if I had a do-over

If I were young today how would I proceed to live my life? This is something I have sometimes asked myself.

Armed with the kind of information that transgender teens possess today and not doubting my mental health would I do anything differently?

I cannot really answer that of course because I don’t regret my life. I lived it to this point the best way I knew how with the information I possessed in a world with a different set of constraints than those of today. I simply got used to hiding and figured that it was the right way to live at the time but it was far from easy. Sometimes it’s nice to reflect on what it would have been like not to have felt obliged to.

I thought I was supposed to suffer through things and try to change something that I actually couldn't. This only produced frustration and guilt.

So now on my own again I get even more time to spend looking inward and take stock of my life to this point. It will be the first time in years that I get to do that because the death of my father in 1995 kicked off a series of events that dramatically shaped the next 20 years.

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