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There is a kind of puberty period that one passes as a transgender person. I never really noticed it that much until I looked back and realized I was going through it.

At first it’s about how one dresses and presents. This is typically in a very over the top and stereotypically feminine manner. It eventually gives way to a more pragmatic style that combines fashion with practicality and comfort.

Then there is the mental aspect which also changes. We go from a kind of scared teenager afraid of our own shadow and morph into a presentable person who is not afraid to go out into the world and just be. This process can typically take many years and is directly related to how much energy and time we have invested in traditional male roles in order to fit into society.

I am now at that stage of comfort and security and when I present as Joanna and I no longer second guess myself or look over my shoulder to see who might be staring. Being comfortable in your own skin should be paramount to any person but especially for a transgender one who faces a much higher degree of scrutiny unless you pass flawlessly. Even then your own lack of self-confidence can conspire to betray you.

People love a confident person who smiles and is happy and they tend to want to reflect back what they see.

Over time my clothing choices have become more pragmatic due to the length of my outings and where I am going. Hence practical flats have become a staple for walking for example. Not that I ever wore a cocktail dress to the mall but I needed to learn what biological women already know.

In that sense the sartorial element has become more a way to help present as Joanna rather than as a focal point and all my past impractical purchases have slowly found their way to the good will.

Just don't try and take away my practical low heel pumps.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…