Skip to main content

coming out to a friend

I came out to another friend the other night.

He was one of the members of that 1986 trip to Europe who I thought I had told but actually hadn't. After that anniversary reunion we promised to have dinner just the two of us to catch up on a more personal level. He is a pediatrician who also works in the hospital emergency room to keep up his skills.

The last time we had met one on one was maybe 7 years ago after my divorce. He had his own prolonged breakup which involved litigation and culminated in his winning full custody of his three children and keeping the family home.

At that original dinner I convinced myself that I had come out to him but actually hadn't. So when I broached the subject of the straw that broke the camel's back in my marriage he pleaded ignorance.

It must be said that he sees trans, lesbian and gay teens in his practice which are despondent and some suicidal. Even today there are families where admitting such a thing is tantamount to grounds for banishment; at least in the mind of these young people. Nothing I said about myself remotely surprised him and he told me his respect and friendship would remain intact. I had hoped for such a response.

His children are ages 24, 20 and 18 and as mine also make their process towards adulthood we plan to make these meet ups more frequent.

One interesting question he posed over dinner stayed with me: do you feel that we as friends and family are sufficiently supportive such that you can feel comfortable being who you really are?

I must admit his question caught me completely off guard because my instincts have always been about shielding people from this almost as if I were a leper and that question went to the heart of the reality that many of us live.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

prejudice disguised as objective rectitude

So here is Professor Jordan Peterson perhaps justly calling out the excesses of political correctness gone mad. But then he extends it to not indulging transgender people the basic dignity of being addressed in their preferred pronoun. To do so for him would cost nothing and to stand on literal principle seems to serve little use other than to send a message of disdain.

If you have transitioned or even live as the opposite gender is costs me nothing to address you in your preferred pronouns. What difference does it make to me and what am I trying to tell you when I don't?

Peterson wants to stand on his rights to call reality what it is except that in this case the exact objective escapes me. But of course the right wing Federalist is in love with him because he calls a spade a spade.

If I see a rock I can call it that but then the rock doesn’t have any feelings. To address a transgender woman "her" and "she" is not undermining my rights as a person in any way b…

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.