Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Why you will marry the wrong person

I may be wrong but the way I see it for every four married couples two statistically don't last and from the two remaining only one is truly a good union. The lesser of these surviving two invariably involves someone that stays for financial security, fear of being alone or perhaps for the sake of the children.

This New York Times article titled "Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person" impressed me with its wisdom and I think it should be required reading for those who are thinking of entering into marriage and a nice refresher for those who have been there a long time (but then who am I to talk).

Here is an excerpt:

"We need to swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them. There can be no end to our sense of emptiness and incompleteness. But none of this is unusual or grounds for divorce. Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for.

This philosophy of pessimism offers a solution to a lot of distress and agitation around marriage. It might sound odd, but pessimism relieves the excessive imaginative pressure that our romantic culture places upon marriage. The failure of one particular partner to save us from our grief and melancholy is not an argument against that person and no sign that a union deserves to fail or be upgraded.

The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she doesn’t exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently — the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate differences with generosity that is the true marker of the “not overly wrong” person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition.

Romanticism has been unhelpful to us; it is a harsh philosophy. It has made a lot of what we go through in marriage seem exceptional and appalling. We end up lonely and convinced that our union, with its imperfections, is not “normal.” We should learn to accommodate ourselves to “wrongness,” striving always to adopt a more forgiving, humorous and kindly perspective on its multiple examples in ourselves and in our partners"


That is absolutely brilliant.

The entire article can be read at the following link:

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?post_id=10152836945745079_10153653125775079#_=_



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