Skip to main content

an untenable dilemma

Watch any video of a womanless pageant and you will hear giddy laughter emanating from the audience and this often in spite of the tastefulness of the imitations. Invariably it is coming most loudly from the same women being emulated who are buying into the narrative that these men or boys are somehow debasing themselves by donning dresses. What these women might not fully realize however is that they are in some ways unwittingly laughing at themselves.

Now imagine a reverse pageant where women imitate men instilling the same entertainment value and levity. I think not.

Being a woman in this world is far more difficult because our societies favour males over females. Masculinity is highly regarded but femininity considered a weakness valued only for reasons of sexual attractiveness to males. It is for this reason that feminine behaviour in men is frowned upon and castigated through derision in a boy's earliest development.

The only meagher advantage that this presents for women is that they are given more sartorial latitude and sometimes even lauded for adopting male characteristics. One only needs to think of Joan of Arc as a historical example.

Heterosexual women with masculine tendencies have less pressure to conform to a feminine standard or at least their refusal to comply is more readily tolerated. They can go to the office and dress virtually in full male attire and not be as mocked as the man who shows up in a dress and heels.

This double standard is undoubtedly rooted in the biology of men needing to hunt and provide while women nurtured as life givers and homemakers. Therefore it is not a model easily dismantled or erased from what is perhaps genetically imprinted memory.

The heterosexual male with female tendencies in this societal structure is in trouble. He admires women and their role but is also drawn to them sexually which is a contradiction that grates against expectation. Interestingly the reverse model works better as dominant and masculine women can find happiness with more passive men. I am reminded here of Margaret Thatcher and her unobtrusive and timid husband Dennis.

Homosexual effeminate men find more masculine partners to compliment their nature and indeed so can lesbian women. My new friend Lyne for example is attracted to lipstick lesbians.

This is why the gynephilic gender dysphoric, virtually irrespective of transitional status, is particularly challenged and given to seeking a compromise where he is at best tolerated by his partner and at worst rejected. I am not sure that this will easily be repaired even in today's more open and accepting environment.




Comments

  1. Well said. Sometimes it appears that although we proclaim equality it isn't a concept that has taken hold in all parts of society.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have a long way to go Heather but I am not everything is fixable. Some of us are fortunate at times and find a soul that only looks at the person inside rather than the packaging.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…