Skip to main content

balancing act

For the transgender person achieving a balance between being true to one’s nature and respecting life commitments can be very complex. It’s not the same for all of us and as we begin to discover who we really are the temptation could be to open up Pandora’s Box and want to catch up all at once on what we’ve missed on.

I’m still working on this aspect although I am more in fine tuning mode than anything else. Hence finding balance is no longer the angst ridden exercise it once was but that doesn't mean its easy.

Our approach morphs with age, experience and life circumstances. The intensity of the transgender feelings and receptiveness of our families and friends are also significant factors especially as we make our first tentative steps towards self-acceptance. Therefore it is clear that there is no single perfect formula that will work equally well for everyone.

Balance was something that I once saw as impossibility but it can be achieved even if imperfectly. Of course this means different things to each person and your own perception of what that means today will morph over time only to surprise you when you look back.

I am reminded here of Vivienne's recent post regarding the U.K. show "faking it" which involves having people pretend to be someone they are not. Except that we as transgender people aren't pretending and we need to deal with our reality head on before striving for balance.

However, transgender or not, balance in life is a difficult thing to attain so if you have mastered this art consider yourself fortunate.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


indoctrination

As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…