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letting things fall into place

My stroke back in 2007 actually saved my life.

There I was dealing with a failing marriage and gender dysphoria that was threatening to boil over. Something invariably had to give and the chain of events that followed only make sense in hindsight. This is why I have confidence now that things eventually work themselves out and what needs to happen does.

They say that hindsight is 20/20 but this not about that. It is instead about having faith and confidence in things bigger than yourself. I know I am not overtly religious in this blog but I have seen in my own life how lessons are learnt and we move on to a new plateau by drawing conclusions from our lived experience. Except that all throughout I have felt there has been guidance.

The lowest point in my life was being wheeled into an MRI scan not knowing whether I was going to recover but life can take extraordinary turns that we do not expect and so I am counting on the future being very much the same.

Some posts back I said that I would float and see where the current takes me but that's not entirely correct because I will be drawing upon my lived experience. I will not entirely shut my eyes but keep them wide open to absorb more lessons along the way. It's not about being lost but about losing yourself in the confidence that things will place themselves where they must.

The only thing we can control in this life is our self respect and being true to who we are as individuals. The rest is part of the variability and randomness that is inherent to our imperfect world. But if we control only that we can hopefully achieve an internal balance that makes the rest bearable.

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She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

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If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…