Friday, 12 August 2016

not so lonely any longer

My outings as Joanna have become far less lonely over time. For one thing I speak to everyone without fear and for another I have made a little stable of acquaintances that I can meet for coffee from time to time.

Most of them don't know that I am trans but going forward I may begin coming out to them. Its not that I haven't told the truth about everything else but at the time I was testing my ability to "pass" (yes a loathsome term I know) and things took on a life of their own. Once there I became afraid of rejection if I disclosed the truth.

The merchants and baristas who know me can be counted on for some friendly banter and to compare what I do now with my fledgling attempts at going out in public in my early 20's is like stacking up a tricycle against a Harley.

The catch is that it only took about 30 years to get here.

This is why I am so glad for the young generation of transgender people and the world they get to grow up in. It may look bad sometimes from their perspective but those of you under 30 reading this can take it from me when I say that our world was a prison by comparison.

2 comments:

  1. I can't claim that I have read every word you ever written on your blog. I took a long break from reading blogs. It is likely that you have covered my query before. If that is the case, please accept my apology for plowing the same furrow. I am curious about the parameters of your Joanna time. Are these decidedly fixed parameters, or evolving parameters, or flexible parameters based upon the circumstances of the moment? If this none of my business (which is a possibility) please disregard. Thanks.

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  2. Katie I dress every day for a few hours after work and now that I am on my own throughout the weekend as well but not when I'm with my teens. This I have been doing for a number of years and is far greater than when I was in my twenties which was maybe several episodes a year followed by purges and promises never to repeat it..I don't set fixed parameters because I see this as a way of being rather than an illness like I used to...

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