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this thing we call love

Love is a strange emotion.

We all seem to experience it differently and perhaps there are even unique definitions that each of us espouses. At its root it’s not really about the pheromones that first capture our attention and make our heads swirl with desire. That initial burst fades into the reality of life and hopefully metamorphoses into a deeper sense of belonging; into feeling like we are home.

I am not sure that love can be conditional on behavior because we all do things to annoy and surprise the other person. We insult because we feel hurt and our emotions get the better of us. There is lashing out not meant to permanently scar but to warn that we have ourselves been wounded.

Love should transcend these anomalies of behavior because we have deemed the person acceptable and have measured their value to us over time. They will do things that we find odd and make us cringe but then turn around and surprise us with kindness and charity.

I believe that true love is about being steadfast and hanging on despite the other’s flaws because at our core we are inherently imperfect creatures. But many of us thrive on the conditional type of love that only lasts while you stay within the battery limits that they have set as being acceptable. Based on that litmus test most of our own parent’s marriages should not have lasted.

I have become certain that in order to love another you must love yourself first and then use that grace to tolerate imperfection in your partner. You make your own happiness and then compliment it with the company of someone who may not necessarily share your tastes or views and would also be content to be on their own.

But then if all this were a simple task we would all have long lasting and rewarding relationships that would stand the test of time.

There is a reason that poets, painters and songwriters have tried to capture the essence of love in their work and its because it continues for many of us to be a great mystery.

In 1977 the group 10CC gave it a shot. I was 15 years old and this song was all over the radio at the time. When I hear it I am in high school again.

"Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river
Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea,
You lay your bets and then you pay the price
The things we do for love, the things we do for love.

Communication is the problem to the answer
You've got her number and your hand is on the phone
The weather's turned and all the lines are down
The things we do for love, the things we do for love.

Like walking in the rain and the snow
When there's nowhere to go
And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying
And you're looking for the answer in her eyes.
You think you're gonna break up
Then she says she wants to make up.

Ooh you made me love you
Ooh you've got a way
Ooh you had me crawling up the wall

A compromise would surely help the situation
Agree to disagree but disagree to part
When after all it's just a compromise of
The things we do for love, the things we do for love"



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