Skip to main content

this thing we call love

Love is a strange emotion.

We all seem to experience it differently and perhaps there are even unique definitions that each of us espouses. At its root it’s not really about the pheromones that first capture our attention and make our heads swirl with desire. That initial burst fades into the reality of life and hopefully metamorphoses into a deeper sense of belonging; into feeling like we are home.

I am not sure that love can be conditional on behavior because we all do things to annoy and surprise the other person. We insult because we feel hurt and our emotions get the better of us. There is lashing out not meant to permanently scar but to warn that we have ourselves been wounded.

Love should transcend these anomalies of behavior because we have deemed the person acceptable and have measured their value to us over time. They will do things that we find odd and make us cringe but then turn around and surprise us with kindness and charity.

I believe that true love is about being steadfast and hanging on despite the other’s flaws because at our core we are inherently imperfect creatures. But many of us thrive on the conditional type of love that only lasts while you stay within the battery limits that they have set as being acceptable. Based on that litmus test most of our own parent’s marriages should not have lasted.

I have become certain that in order to love another you must love yourself first and then use that grace to tolerate imperfection in your partner. You make your own happiness and then compliment it with the company of someone who may not necessarily share your tastes or views and would also be content to be on their own.

But then if all this were a simple task we would all have long lasting and rewarding relationships that would stand the test of time.

There is a reason that poets, painters and songwriters have tried to capture the essence of love in their work and its because it continues for many of us to be a great mystery.

In 1977 the group 10CC gave it a shot. I was 15 years old and this song was all over the radio at the time. When I hear it I am in high school again.

"Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river
Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea,
You lay your bets and then you pay the price
The things we do for love, the things we do for love.

Communication is the problem to the answer
You've got her number and your hand is on the phone
The weather's turned and all the lines are down
The things we do for love, the things we do for love.

Like walking in the rain and the snow
When there's nowhere to go
And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying
And you're looking for the answer in her eyes.
You think you're gonna break up
Then she says she wants to make up.

Ooh you made me love you
Ooh you've got a way
Ooh you had me crawling up the wall

A compromise would surely help the situation
Agree to disagree but disagree to part
When after all it's just a compromise of
The things we do for love, the things we do for love"



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…