My ex-wife should have been told from the outset but I honestly and truly believed that I could defeat my dysphoric feelings and lead a normal life. When you don’t come clean both of you suffer. She gets a person who is hiding and not truly themselves and you cannot divulge your true identity thus wind up living in fear of discovery and repression.
But I was brought up during a time when we had little knowledge of what dysphoria was and how to treat it. So I bought into the nuclear model of the family and married, purchased a house and had children. There were other options but I wasn’t ready to know about them until my life crashed.
I have often said here that I don’t regret my life and my marriage, although far from perfect, yielded two children that I love dearly. She and I are able to get along today and discuss things without arguing but of course all the emotional attachment is gone.
I can honestly say that everything I did in my life utilized the best knowledge I had at the time. Over the years I have learned so much not only about this weighty subject but about myself. So much so that I can hardly recognize the person I once was.