Skip to main content

am I trans enough?

Am I trans enough? Am I a woman?

These are questions you often see in blogs as transgender people second guess themselves and determine their path forward. The standard narrative of woman trapped in a man’s body is no longer used by most of us because it doesn’t sound or feel authentic. Instead you now read things like ‘something wasn’t quite right growing up’ and this is definitely true - something wasn't. We couldn’t put our finger on it and didn’t understand why we needed to raid our mother’s closet at such an early age.

Some of us like me got derailed by the sexual feelings. For years I couldn’t understand how my pull towards expressing a female identity had been charged with erotic overtones which, in my view, disqualified their authenticity. I have since come to realize that this is not true at all.

What happens is that our psychosexual identity is formed during a period when we are still grappling with this desire to be female while wanting to attract one. That fusion now permanent we are left with an abnormal sexuality which must be dealt with. Our wish to be ‘normal’ must then be abandoned and replaced with self-acceptance if we are to carry on living with a sane spirit.

We don’t have an understanding of what forms those initial childhood feelings but more and more the evidence is pointing to biological causes. We read that “Gender is between the ears and not in our genitals” and increasingly we understand this to be correct. The next question that begs answering is: what do I do about it?

Groupthink here can be a dangerous thing because there are different schools of thought that have formed over the decades. Older androphilics stuck to the medical condition narrative and, in a sense, they weren’t wrong because their dysphoria was for some deeply intense, debilitating and not self inflicted. The mistake some of them made was using that argument to invalidate other’s people dysphoria in order to retain exclusivity of the term "womanhood". For them, failure to transition proved your inauthenticity since the only possible alternative left was suicide.

Today we know it's not quite the way they painted it.

Your identity must be defined by you and you alone and I think that human being should be your first answer. You should also abandon the idea of “normal” because that doesn’t really exist. Instead you should think in terms of statistics because to do otherwise makes your current life situation into an untenable dilemma which is only resolved via trying to shoehorn yourself into a schema that may not suit you.

The fact is that not everyone benefits equally from transition. Some thrive spectacularly while some are left with lingering regret and ambiguity. For others transition has helped soothe their dysphoria but then introduced a whole new set of challenges that has left them despondent.

So yes, being happy can include a set of circumstances that are not normative but then to use blunt and colloquial language: who gives a shit since it’s your life.


Comments

  1. Gender dysphoria, being transgender, is quite a challenge at times. "Not for the faint of heart." I struggle with being strong enough. I know I am a good person. Friends and associates like and respect me. I rely too much on others affirmation. I am working on freeing myself of that,.

    I loved your "who gives a shit..." It was like a delightful surprise ending to a serious piece. I almost laughed out loud while sitting here in a hotel breakfast area!

    Thank goodness that the internet enables people like you and me to communicate.

    ReplyDelete
  2. As time allows I read a fairly broad slice of blogs and occasionally view You Tube videos addressing transgender issues. Rarely does one come across a submission that is as honest as this one. Pat answers aren't the answer. It's simply a very messy, murky business. If only more individuals were willing to abandon, once and for all, the pat phrase, "A woman trapped in a man's body."

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…