I can tolerate a very high level of pressure. I've had to all my life and as a result I am not able to recognize what's good for me. Instead I make things work because that's what I learned to do.
The other day one of my sisters thought it might be nice to introduce me to one of her friends. I weighed the idea but then was completely repulsed by it. I feel weary and battle fatigued and increasingly the idea of remaining alone appeals to me.
I don't have to start over explaining how gender dysphoria reacts on my psyche or negotiating for time out while juggling other priorities. I think it's the best option and if I were younger I might be more despondent but I am not. In fact there is some felt liberation present.
Being transgender implies negotiation because it is in some ways a type of prison sentence with no perfect solutions. But at least this way I am in full control.