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my own coming out....

I have come out to everyone who matters in my life. I have even come out to my neighbors because of necessity.

There are other people who I see sporadically that I am not out to yet but that's because they only know Joanna. They will eventually know as well as soon as I muster up the courage and explain the circumstances as to why I never told them.

My friend Lyne and I had a coffee this past weekend. She does know my story and she works at the sexual identity clinic at a French hospital here in Montreal. Her boss, who works extensively with transgender people, told her that she would like to see the day when we don’t feel obliged to transition in order to be accepted by society.

Those who read my blog know I hold that very same opinion. There are those who, due to the strength of their dysphoria, will opt for a necessary transition but many others can benefit substantially by simply being themselves and not needing to hide.

I told Lyne to tell her boss that I couldn’t agree with her more.

ThirdWayTrans makes some very interesting points in this video regarding some alternate techniques for managing dysphoria that some of you might find helpful. For those who don't know him, he transitioned from male to female at age 18 and then de-transitioned at age 38...


  1. Another terrific video, Joanna. Where do you come up with so many?

    I watched it twice, took notes the second time, and wrote a rather lengthy email to my therapist about it. Your post is very timely for me. I've recently considered, okay I am transgender. What does that mean in the context of my total life?

    I now think it's better to just say that I have gender dysphoria. At least I know that unequivocally. Beyond that what does the label matter? The point is to work on ways to accept my GD and manage it in the context of my total life, which is not wholly focused on my being transgender.

    I suppose I am trans which is fine when we define it as an umbrella term for those with GD, and I'm perfectly okay with that. I just don't want to self limit myself within that identification label.

  2. Thirdwaytrans has a blog that you are likely to find interesting Emma. As a former transwoman he offers a unique perspective as does Joel from it is good to examine this issue from all angles in trying to figure this out for yourself.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

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Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

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To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

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