Skip to main content

crossed wires....

After reading literally hundreds of narratives from transgender people over the years, I have come to two undeniable conclusions. First, no one asks to be transgender and second, for those that are heterosexual, it is unavoidable that the dysphoric feelings will become sexualized at puberty.

I have pondered the second one at great length and I feel it is impossible for the conflict of wanting to be female while simultaneously being drawn to one sexually, to not affect the psychosexual development. Puberty is the point at which our sexual identity is being cemented and the dysphoria simply tags along for the ride. How many of you have had the experience of looking at a beautiful woman and simultaneously desiring her but also to be her? for this is a universal theme that I have read over and over and have of course experienced first hand.

Understanding this mechanism is important because we grew up in a time of sexual repression and with little to no access to reliable information. The result was to blame ourselves and consequently suffer because of it. With that process now better understood, we can realize that there is little use in feeling guilty about something you had no hand in creating.

The old discredited Blanchard model sought to accuse us of indulging in a type of aberrant narcissism which then created a false female identity. While this model may have worked well for guilt-ridden individuals like Anne Lawrence it didn't resonate with many of us who had experienced a gender incongruity since earliest memory. Blanchard's work (which is now almost 30 years old) is all but on life support and discarded by modern activists as well as millenials themselves. Only enemies of male to female transgender people, which oddly includes some older androphilics, still hold on to it in an attempt to discredit.

Transgender people have traditionally denied or downplayed the existence of sexual longing in their dysphoria but there was no good reason to since it simply formed part of the package that fed the dissonance we felt but couldn't explain even to ourselves. Transgender activists like Julia Serano don’t shy away from this reality and, once past the stigma, you can start to really examine what to do about your situation.


Comments

  1. You have always been like a well worn blanket. One I use daily. Being born trans-anything is very confusing to us but we matter most to us! Confused? I am! It's nice to read your postings.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well written as always, Joanna. I appreciate the concept that my GD came along for the ride. Indeed it's always been hard to sort out my desires: to be with a woman vs, envying and wanting to be her. My sex drive tends to win in the earlier part of relationships but my GD faithfully emerges out of my control later on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. dysphoric feelings will become sexualized at puberty

    simultaneously desiring her but also to be her?

    These two concepts come to the heart of the matter for me. For some reason I find experts somehow put negative implications for the sexualized feelings that develop in transgenders. We all develop sexual feelings and we act and are motivated because of them. When a ggirl and a tgirl get dolled up to go out on a date do you think they are acting from different motivations? To me it's all the same. There should not be interpretive differences as a general rule. Both want to be sexy, feel good, and be attractive to others....

    Slding back and forth between being her and wanting her can get a bit more complicated. Just to throw it out there for discussion purposes ...in this day of feminisim ... what happens when your signficant other(female)doesn't want to fit into that female role....is it so wrong to want to fill it for her....??? just curious what others think....



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the feelings simply exist and are unavoidable since there is an inherent conflict present. It was labeled a kind of self-love or narcissism when in fact it was a result of being gender dysphoric to begin with. Eliminating the focus on this aspect has helped think more clearly and interestingly even help me put away the idea of resolving things via a transition.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…