I have read so many stories over the years and have come to understand the particular circumstances that each of us lives with. You can literally group the narratives into categories because so many are eerily similar.
The most important thing I have retained from all of them is that not every one of us understands our value within your relationships and it’s not hard to see why. You love your partners deeply but are conflicted with just how much of your transgender nature is allowed to peer through.
Some spouses are kept entirely in the dark and disclosure would mean certain divorce. Others know but don’t want to acknowledge it. Another group lets their partner have their outings and doesn’t participate while the next level up actually tags along. Finally there is the accepting spouse who stays even after transition whether surgical or not (this case being the rare exception).
Yes our situations are different but the one I find most unfortunate involves the transgender person being indulged whereby their activities are seen as being a pastime akin to playing golf. This viewpoint is more common among our generation and the millennials are far more advanced and enlightened which makes me very glad.
Most of us married with partial or no disclosure hoping for a cure or that repression would work but those who were fully transparent should have more leeway in being who they really are. Otherwise why be with a person who sees you as an aberration? Is it because you agree with that assessment yourself?
At my age now I would not settle for anything else but full acceptance of everything that constitutes my personhood and want, with my remaining years, to be truly happy in my own skin with the knowledge that my identity is not a negotiable thing. I am alone and not obliged to compromise because that would involve stifling my spirit and suppressing who I am and, as far as I'm concerned, tacit acceptance that it is somehow wrong to be trans.
Yes that transgender opera singer whose video I featured 2 postings ago was among the lucky few but the vast majority of us are not.
I just want to point out that it's up to you to set the bar from the outset in permitting yourself to be who you are. If that self image is already damaged to begin with it doesn't bode well for an honest relationship. There may be very few women who accept your transgender nature but if we exist then they do as well.
I don't know about you but I don't equate my identity with a pastime for it is a far more valuable thing than that.