Skip to main content

crossed wires part 2....

The other day I wrote about crossed wires and this post follows that one.

If gender dysphoria is graded (which I am all but certain that it is) then so will the impact on your sex life. This means that the milder your dysphoria the better you will be able to perform sexually as a male.

For a gynephilic gender dysphoric there is no such thing as “target location error”. This painfully stupid term has tried to advocate for the idea of an alternate form of sexuality when there is in fact no such thing. Instead what occurs is gender dysphoria actively conspiring to interfere with “normal” sexual functioning.

We are attracted to women but also want to emulate and be them. Hence the less dysphoric you are the better you will be able to lead a normal sex life with a female partner. This is why you will often see occasional crossdressers have little conflict with their everyday lives and their secret ones. They are able to compartmentalize them more effectively.

Among his high intensity transsexual patients, Harry Benjamin (who was definitely on to something) found that some had been able to help conceive children but only through the aid of mental imagery. They had placed themselves in the role of the female and only then were they able to impregnate their sexual partners. I had to do the same in my marriage because I represent an example of someone who is on the periphery of needing to transition and hence that conflict is very much present within me.

Absolutely nothing can be done about it but accept it.

The suggestion of an alternate sexuality model not surprisingly came from people who have never experienced gender dysphoria for themselves. However, I am in the rather unique position to be able to try and explain my personal experience with it. Having spent years analyzing my thought process which was, for a time, hampered by a massive and misplaced culpability, I was finally able to truly comprehend it from a more dispassionate angle.

All of this doesn't change the reality that you are transgender but is simply a symptom of the intensity of the gender dysphoria you experience overlapping with your sexual orientation.

Comments

  1. Those wires are crossed for me too, but in a different way than for you. In my initial encounters with women I am so caught up in the moment and infatuation that I am totally there with her, as the man I appear to be. This can continue for quite some time, maybe a year? But gradually I also find myself fantasizing about being the woman partner, initially at a low hum, but gradually increasing in intensity to the point where I have to really be into my own needs, which women can sense and understandably don't like since I'm otherwise checked out.

    And all that continues to build for me until at some point I'm so torn between the shame of what I am feeling and my needs that sex breaks down. And that really hurts relationships.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you clearly have dysphoria Emma no question...I used to find excuses not to stay with people but then I married in a blur.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also used to have a hard time staying in relationships because, over time, the pressure to maintain my "expected presence" just boiled over and I couldn't do it any longer. I know that only now. Back then I just assumed that something was horribly wrong with me as I was lucky to be in loving relationships with delightful women. I'm afraid I hurt several pretty deeply at the surprise of the break up as well as my inability to articulate why I was compelled to do it.

      I carry some guilt about those episodes. But not too much because I am satisfied with the knowledge that I am a good person and simply, I'm just a human who like all of us is trying to do the best I can.

      Delete
    2. If we only knew then what we know now...

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones…