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crossed wires part 2....

The other day I wrote about crossed wires and this post follows that one.

If gender dysphoria is graded (which I am all but certain that it is) then so will the impact on your sex life. This means that the milder your dysphoria the better you will be able to perform sexually as a male.

For a gynephilic gender dysphoric there is no such thing as “target location error”. This painfully stupid term has tried to advocate for the idea of an alternate form of sexuality when there is in fact no such thing. Instead what occurs is gender dysphoria actively conspiring to interfere with “normal” sexual functioning.

We are attracted to women but also want to emulate and be them. Hence the less dysphoric you are the better you will be able to lead a normal sex life with a female partner. This is why you will often see occasional crossdressers have little conflict with their everyday lives and their secret ones. They are able to compartmentalize them more effectively.

Among his high intensity transsexual patients, Harry Benjamin (who was definitely on to something) found that some had been able to help conceive children but only through the aid of mental imagery. They had placed themselves in the role of the female and only then were they able to impregnate their sexual partners. I had to do the same in my marriage because I represent an example of someone who is on the periphery of needing to transition and hence that conflict is very much present within me.

Absolutely nothing can be done about it but accept it.

The suggestion of an alternate sexuality model not surprisingly came from people who have never experienced gender dysphoria for themselves. However, I am in the rather unique position to be able to try and explain my personal experience with it. Having spent years analyzing my thought process which was, for a time, hampered by a massive and misplaced culpability, I was finally able to truly comprehend it from a more dispassionate angle.

All of this doesn't change the reality that you are transgender but is simply a symptom of the intensity of the gender dysphoria you experience overlapping with your sexual orientation.


  1. Those wires are crossed for me too, but in a different way than for you. In my initial encounters with women I am so caught up in the moment and infatuation that I am totally there with her, as the man I appear to be. This can continue for quite some time, maybe a year? But gradually I also find myself fantasizing about being the woman partner, initially at a low hum, but gradually increasing in intensity to the point where I have to really be into my own needs, which women can sense and understandably don't like since I'm otherwise checked out.

    And all that continues to build for me until at some point I'm so torn between the shame of what I am feeling and my needs that sex breaks down. And that really hurts relationships.

  2. you clearly have dysphoria Emma no question...I used to find excuses not to stay with people but then I married in a blur.

    1. I also used to have a hard time staying in relationships because, over time, the pressure to maintain my "expected presence" just boiled over and I couldn't do it any longer. I know that only now. Back then I just assumed that something was horribly wrong with me as I was lucky to be in loving relationships with delightful women. I'm afraid I hurt several pretty deeply at the surprise of the break up as well as my inability to articulate why I was compelled to do it.

      I carry some guilt about those episodes. But not too much because I am satisfied with the knowledge that I am a good person and simply, I'm just a human who like all of us is trying to do the best I can.

    2. If we only knew then what we know now...


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