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hindsight

Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?

We look back at our lives armed with today's knowledge and we can understand why certain things occurred. At the time they made little sense to us.

When I was very young I played the delicate balance of doing what was expected and what I secretly desired. The latter could only be achieved in the privacy of my own room or when the family was out. I cherished those moments when I could be on my own and, no sooner had the car left the driveway I was already in my mother’s closet picking out something to wear.

At first her shoes were too large but it didn’t take too many years for that to change. It was the impetus for my first tentative steps out to purchase something that would invariably end up in a dumpster; something that was always purchased for “someone else”.

Today living as a woman part time would have seemed unimaginable to that young version of myself. That Jekyll and Hyde struggle with my psyche occupied so much wasted energy but it was all in a futile attempt to change something that couldn't be altered. I just didn’t know that at the time.

Today there is calm resignation which has taken the place of that struggle. But I was one hard nut to crack. Perhaps it is why, once converted, I approach the battle against those who think us freaks with that same intensity.

Most of us have suffered enough and it is time to look back at our lives and take stock for there are lessons to be drawn from what has come before.



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love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…