Saturday, 17 December 2016

life throws you curve balls

Life has thrown me a few curve balls to be sure. The biggest one was having to deal with gender dysphoria right from a young age and finding a way to cope.

But of course there have been other challenges and today I stand at an interesting crossroads where my children are flirting with adulthood and my career is coming slowly to an end.

I now get to live a little more for me and will reflect on how I want to spend my remaining years; however long that may be.

I have learnt valuable lessons along the way because I do believe that adversity breeds resourcefulness and helps forge character. In that sense I don’t regret the challenges one bit although when I was mired in the depths of my gender struggles and my marriage was imploding I didn’t have the foresight to think that it was possible to survive and even thrive.

I am an intellectual, so everything must be sliced and diced and examined under a microscope which is both good and bad. I don’t know any other way to be but over analysis can help prevent a shipwreck while at the same time prevent a decision which might ultimately improve your existence. I am only wired for the former.

I am not sure being transgender is a source of pride but it is certainly not the scourge it once was to me. It is a way of being the way other people are different and have their own uniqueness. Accepting yourself is pivotal to internal peace and there is no other way around it.

All I can say is that after living a little over half a century I can see the curve balls coming a little sooner now.


4 comments:

  1. Continue to see the spin out of the pitcher's hand.

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  2. As one mid-fifties lady to another, I, too, lost many productive years (17 of them, in fact) before being able to fully come out. I lost a productive business, a marriage, stepson, mother, uncle, and home once I began transition. The late eighties and the nineties were just a step removed from the "stone knives and bearskins" era our 'sixties and 'seventies forerunners had to endure. Thank goodness today's groups of trans youth and older will not have to endure as much hardship as we've had to face and lose precious years in the process of becoming themselves.

    Peace be with you.

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    Replies
    1. glad to know you are you in a good place finally Maura

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