Skip to main content

my thoughts on alternatives to transition

Clare Flourish's blog post entitled "alternatives to transition" gave me much food for thought.

I think that the answer depends greatly on several things not the least of which is the level of your gender dysphoria. If you can be happy going out once a month or even once a week and temper the feelings then you are on to something.

In general, society has a deep disdain for feminine males. They are shunned and ridiculed and in the worst of times killed. There is a visceral distaste there which runs along the biological imperative of having a protective presence that will provide a masculine ideal. But such a model is not real for everyone and those of us caught in this trap of having to deal with expectation and needing to be ourselves are stuck.

Extreme cases of dysphoria were and are dealt with transition and I think that is still the best option. There are clear cut examples where you just look at the child and you know (and they know) that they are best to live their life as a female. But there are other cases that walk a tightrope.

I am one such person stuck in the middle and I am not the only one.

I have had to reflect long and hard for many years about what to do about my predicament but I know the answer does not lie in reshaping my body in order to fit in but rather shape my character to ignore the artificial expectations of a fickle society. But be sure that if I needed to transition then of course I would do it.

No person should be expected to live an existence based on someone else’s imagining of it. You have the power to change what you do but then the question remains: do you have the fortitude to do so?

I have had to fashion elephant skin over my life and now the thought of some ignorant idiot walking up to me and making a glib statement about what constitutes my way of being disgusts me. My current attitude has affected the way I present in public and I think people sense it. I am very confident when I am presenting as Joanna and many people know her and like her.

So there are maybe two solutions? transition or not. If you decide not to, then you need to develop the reflexes and the muscles to withstand the stares and the disdain of others because it unfortunately comes with the territory. But that confidence in me has come with much more acceptance than anything else and rarely do I encounter an odd stare.

When I do get an unusual stare, I stare back with a steely expression that has them look away.

Be yourself.

Comments

  1. Thanks for visiting my blog, Joanna. You're doing some good work here. I'm gonna poke around and read.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you are very welcome. I have been to yours before and it is very good.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My earlier comment didn't really address this specific post and it's too important to let pass. You raise an important, even critical issue. Our struggle to live in contemporary society is made hard by people's attitude toward gender: e.g., the expectation of defined gender roles; intolerance of deviation from prescribed behavior and expression. Trying to fit ourselves into that unfriendly world is difficult.

    My perspective is affected by the fact of my age -- I lived through earlier times when things were even rougher. For instance, when I was young, the concept of transitioning didn't exist as a realistic option for me, so my only choice was the learn how to adapt (or die). I recently described this experience in a magazine article you might want to look at -- http://www.hollandlanemag.com/blog/2016/11/10/an-authentic-life

    Young people today have more choices, including full transition. I like how you explicitly recognize the difficulties of those who do and don't transition. I also like how you describe your reaction to unfriendly behavior when you do present as female. It takes real courage to face opprobrium. Great piece of writing here.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really enjoy your blog, and I very much agree and am aligned with this post. I too walk the tightrope (however, many times I think I'm leaning towards the "I need to transition" side).

    ReplyDelete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…