Saturday, 7 January 2017

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones which I have learnt to comprehend as forming part of the full picture.

While this may not be your solution, if you examine yourself honestly and free of artificial obstacles, you will have it in due course.


12 comments:

  1. Just lovely Joanna and I am so with you. I am at ease with me or 'him' and don't feel that the two differ much other than in presentation when out. I seem to be getting benefit in both worlds.

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  2. thanks Linda and I am glad for you that you have also attained the balance I sought for so long.

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    1. I thought you might feel that way Rhonda!

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  4. Ditto. Thank you for your blog, it has been a god send to me.

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  5. Good to hear. We need to integrate all parts of our life.

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  6. Wow, that's good news: an end to the conflict.

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  7. Wow, Joanna, that's one popular post! For me, it speaks to the fact that for many of us we are on a tightrope, balancing. I'm that way for sure. These days I believe that my trans-ness (for lack of better vocabulary) is a part of what makes me the good person that I am, and I don't need to go further toward transition or otherwise.

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    1. you are trans and that is part of who you are Emma. It has helped define you and you don't need to run from it. The trick now will be to find a place in your life and marriage.

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