I’ve never been a conventional male but I always did my best to fit in.
When I was very young I learned what I needed to say and not to say in order for people not to raise any eyebrows. In the peacefulness of an empty house I expressed myself the way I wanted far from the prying eyes of my family or the neighbours.
I learned to be a great actor and made sure I stayed above suspicion. Every once in a while I would slip up but then quickly recovered. I managed this way for many years until my early forties when everything became unravelled.
The priest who conducted my marriage ceremony suspected something and many years later admitted to me he thought that I might be gay since I showed apprehension during the preparation. Upon telling him that I was transgender it all made sense to him in retrospect.
Now I can be myself although it’s sometimes hard to know who that is due to so much energy being spent to create a believable persona.
Now I am left with the task of sorting out who the real me really is which has become a fascinating personal journey.
One I am currently still on.