Sunday, 22 January 2017

perspective

Consider the following statements I could make about myself:

1) I am actually a woman who is masquerading as a man in order to make a living.
2) I am a man who loves to crossdress
3) I am bi-gendered or two-spirited person
4) Being transgender or transsexual or a crossdresser is a form of mental illness or sexual depravity and I am suffering from this.

How do I know which of these statements about myself is the correct one and how do I prove it to someone else? The answer, besides my obvious current biological reality is that I cannot know for certain.

What I can do is convince myself with my most resolute energy that one of them is correct and conduct myself in a manner that reflects that decision. Because we lack so much information in this field you are left to your own devices and it becomes incumbent upon you to find your own truth.

I have been able to make certain conclusions over my reflection process of course. The vast majority of us are not mentally ill and are highly functional so I can remove number 4 from the list but the other 3 scenarios are trickier because there we enter murkier waters.

But the mere fact that you are able to remove that last one should be a huge boost to your psyche.

In my own case when I finally stripped everything down to the bare bones, the answer became a deceptively simple one:

I am me.


11 comments:

  1. You're correct and you are beautiful.

    We are all ourselves and as you write so well and I appreciate so much, the journey is to know, become, and love ourselves.

    As an aside, my wife asked me several months ago if I believe I am a woman "inside." I answered, "How could I know? I don't even know if I see the same colors that I identify as pink or blue as anyone else, man or woman."

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    1. Concentrate on being you Emma and things will percolate to the surface as you explore what that means without the pressure of artificial suppression.

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  2. Accurate and true account of the conundrum many of us face. Glad you found your self-image. I've also found mine -- but not until decades of self-reflection and struggle.

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    1. Which makes you par for the course for the majority of trans people fitting into a world that wants nothing to do with them. I am glad for you.

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    2. Shybiker, I read your profile and looked at your blog. We could be sisters at least in spirit. "Conundrum" is an apt word for our situation. I've also had decades of self-reflection (more than five), fear, and struggle. Although I'd much prefer to be younger so as to enjoy what seems to be so much greater trans visibility and acceptance than ever before I feel very fortunate to be able to read and participate in forum's like Joanna's with people like you and her.

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  3. One of Game of Thrones's most powerful moments comes when young Arya Stark, daughter of Lord Eddard, asks whether her recently paralyzed brother can still grow up to become a knight in the Kingsguard. Eddard acknowledges the impossibility, but reassures his daughter that her brother could become something else of nobility, such as Lord of a holdfast.

    "Can I be the Lord of a holdfast?" She preferred swordplay to needlepoint against the gender norms of her time. When her father assures her she will marry a handsome high lord, and birth princes and princessss, she responds without even a hint of equivocation,

    "No. That's not me."

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  4. As one famous seeker is credited with saying The unexamined life is not worth living."
    If we travel this road and fail to consider the various possible sources of the internal drive to change, we miss out and eventually suffer for it.

    Temet Nosce

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    1. seems like I have been examining it for so long Halle which is why it makes me glad to see your level of resolution.

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  5. Very well put and you're right. Once we can get past the absurd "mental illness" BS, the waters are still murky, but not nearly as dark, cloudy and intimidating as before.

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    1. We are definitely not mentally ill and that does help the reflection process quite a lot.

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