Wednesday, 8 February 2017

masks

I wanted to address something that popped into my head after one of Kati's comments.

Every Sunday I see a young usher at Mass wearing a suit and tie just like all the others except that this one happens to be a young woman.

We all need to wear masks sometimes.

Certain jobs require a unisex uniform or that no jewellery be worn. It doesn’t make the person any different on the inside.

It gets even more complicated if the person is transgender and they would like the option to present differently. But then imagine yourself being employed in a fortune 500 company, being a male and wanting to wear a dress and heels to work. Some things just aren’t done because we are considered to be a distraction or deemed to be going too far. It changes nothing about who you are except that you are now confusing others and that is not allowed.

Gender and it’s expression are sacrosanct to many which is why everyone looks like a carbon copy and few are brave enough to bend the rules.

But then what if you never crossdress like my friends Calie or Jack Molay. Does that make you any less gender dysphoric? I for one don’t think so.

I am trans and am always going to be regardless of the mask I am wearing at the time. The key is accepting and repatriating what used to be an unwelcome appendage and working out our internal mechanics in order to achieve our liberation.


6 comments:

  1. First, an apology. I am in danger of wearing out my welcome by commenting too frequently. Whenever my dysphoria is bad, I tend to make a nuisance of myself in blogs and forums. Hopefully this rough patch will soon fade and I can get back to being a faithful but relatively quiet reader.

    Perhaps you are simply farther down the road than me and have a clearer perspective, but I have no sense of liberation. Just the opposite. I feel subjugated by internal force(s) which are unwelcome and beyond my understanding. I feel like I am in the grip of something which is both in me and beyond me. I feel like a slave to an invisible, incomprehensible master. Liberation? Not me. Not yet.

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    1. you are always welcome Katie...

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    2. Kati,

      I also completely understand where you're coming from. Acknowledging that oneself is transgender is one thing, but accepting and appreciating our transgender nature can be very hard. It feels lonely at times, scary, and threatening.

      For me (and, of course I can only speak for myself) it's taken a couple of years to undo almost six decades of shame, fear, and self-loathing. How did I do it? No simple answer. Lots of study, research, participation in web resources such as Joanna's, opening up to therapists, and in general, really realizing that it's not my fault. I was born this way.

      I also started accepting and enjoying taking care of myself in my own skin. I do crossdress in private, sometimes under my male clothing. Not all the time, when I don't feel the need. But when I do, I love it. It's not erotic but it is euphoric at times. Other times it just feels good and right. Like writing here, now.

      Give yourself time and patience. We are all on the Hero's Journey.

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  2. I more than completely understand where you are. But allow me to explain what I mean by liberation because you won't be free from gender dysphoria necessarily just the excessive pain that it can sometimes cause us. It's like becoming more the master rather than its slave.

    As far as understanding it we are a long way off from that yet but you can find a way of comprehending the way it behaves in you and develop a way to cope.

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  3. So it seems that some use masks to look and feel like their inner woman, while others use those masks to hide the inner woman. If this works for you then be happy. You have succeeded in dealing with your dysphoria.
    Sadly these fixes don't always work perfectly all the time and come with all sorts of unintended and unwanted consequence. This is the unfortunate truth. This however, does not in anyway diminish the good such a fix can do. It just is what it is. As Jo points out, we live in an imperfect world.

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