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where I am now

I have boiled down my gender issues to one thing: self-definition. It is that simple but also that complicated.

If you have spent most of your life being conditioned to live life as a male using a mold that doesn't fit you there is no point trying to shoehorn yourself into it; believe me I tried. At a certain point in time you just come to a complete self-realization and become yourself.

I am 54 years old and more than half my life is over but I don’t say that with the least bit of despondence for it is merely a fact. Fortunately my failed marriage yielded my pride and joy which are my two beautiful almost grown children whose company (as limited as it is at their age) I very much enjoy.

Those of us who are older often need to go to therapy to undo the baggage we have amassed along the way and for me it was writing this blog which helped save me. Those who helped contribute to it and also challenged me (yes that includes you AQV) were instrumental in my journey towards healing my psyche.

Now I have found a formula that works and also takes into account the life commitments which includes working in the same challenging sphere for a few more years.

But at least my load is so much lighter and I have a spring in my step which makes the world of difference.

Madeline Wyndzen has a wonderful website and in one of her personal reflection essays she writes the following:

"As you've read my questions and comments to help you clarify your choices, you may have decided you really are a transsexual or you really aren't a transsexual. But I hope you'll consider rethinking about your decision in another way. It's doesn't really matter if you are or aren't a transsexual. You are you! And people can redefine transsexual so it means just about anything! There are even many psychologists who define transsexual solely as somebody who transitions. That's it. And it's possible for people to get caught up in debates about if they "really are a transsexual." But the real question, and the only question, you need to answer is this: what path for your life will let you be happy?"


  1. We seek to understand and manipulate our universe to ensure it is a place worth inhabiting. We seek to create a world in which we actually want to live. Language is one of our species' indispensable tools for doing just that. We label, categorize and subcategorize to create conceptual frameworks to orient ourselves toward everything, including ourselves and our own minds. We're getting really good at it.

    But words are slippery things, and our attempts will always fall short of perfection. However precise our linguistic models, as soon as we establish a paradigm, especially one pertaining to the human mind, along will come a human who defies it.

    At this juncture we reach a fork in the proverbial road. We can become overwhelmed by the anxiety of disorientation and attempt to shove this person into one of the boxes we have relied upon, their wellbeing be damned, or we can embrace the opportunity this person presents to revamp our linguistic framework itself, and improve all of ourselves in the process. After all, there are two types of people in the world: those who divide us into two types of people, and those who don't. And then, there are those who recognize that we need both a system of division and classification to orient ourselves toward our surroundings AND the flexibility to change or abandon that system when it's utility has maxed out.

    First and foremost, you are you. Cant quite find the perfect word to encapsulate an important part of you? Lucky you! Coin a new term, and broaden all of our minds thereby. That's all anyone who would claim to be an expert in you is doing anyway.

  2. Glad I could help. It really is no big deal so long as you don't lie to yourself and continually try to deceive yourself. Or...get all self involved in playing sophomoric word games like mr. whatever.

    1. I'm not the troll. My comment is sincere, if hifalutin. 😛

      I noticed Yeah, whatever's obnoxious comment one day, and went after him, using the inverse of his moniker as my own.



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