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looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion and shame but this shouldn't be an automatic response unless your only frame of reference is traditional Judeo-Christian thinking where anything other than missionary position sex for the purposes of procreation was an aberration.

Taken out of this reference point however it is clear that the repeatability of this phenomenon for the gender dysphoric means that it is almost universal. The unique combination of being straight and having gender dysphoria, which only a tiny fraction of the population is exposed to, is its foundation.

Androphilic transsexuals don’t experience cross gender arousal and neither do gay males when they crossdress for the simple reason that they are not drawn sexually to women or their clothing. Hence any dysphoria they experience will be unfettered by this phenomenon.

The key for the heterosexual transgender person is in essence to look past cross gender arousal and determine a course of action which may or may not include transition.

The fact that I experienced it used to distress me greatly but it no longer does for I also know it does not define me entirely as a transgender person. It simply forms part of my sexuality which was shaped in a very unique and particular way.

Advocates for Autogynephilia want to paint us as sexual perverts but we know better because we have our own history as evidence. When you examine yours earnestly you will know your own truth.

Think of it this way: given the current scientific vacuum that exists on this topic, how can someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to be you accurately explain and define you?


  1. "Think of it this way: given the current scientific vacuum that exists on this topic, how can someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to be you accurately explain and define you?"

    Excellent point, Joanna. I've often felt a need to emphasize to cis folks that I doubt they can come close to understanding the struggle and confusions and shame about growing up trans and living with that secret.

    Back to the point about cross-gender arousal: in light of knowing that I am transgender it all makes sense to me. I've always envied girls (and later, women) so it seems like a small leap to then find the source of my envy to also be intensely arousing sexually, both with women (i.e., heterosexually) and as a woman (e.g., fantasizing and role-playing).

    I'm almost 61 and I can tell you that my sex drive is in decline. Not gone by any means but reduced to the point where I have a perspective that I can use to understand my arousal and how that relates to my trans feelings and vice versa.

    It sure felt impossible over the previous decades to do this. I hoped that I didn't want to be a woman as much as just dress like one, feel the fabrics, the sensations. I see now that I was being fooled by my sexual drive as well as what I learned from society (including Blanchard et al) that I wasn't okay. It's so gratifying to at least know now that all of that was BS.

    1. it takes a while to get past the BS to understand yourself because society tells you to fight your own instincts. You might also have noted that even as your sex drive declines your sense being trans does not diminish one iota..

  2. Oh yes when I was a kid (in the early 70s) struggling with my feelings (and hiding them as best I could) when I hit puberty and was attracted to women (mostly) it confused me even more. How could I want to be a woman who wants sex with a woman?

    It actually would have been much easier if I had been exclusively male attracted, I would have probably worked myself out far sooner than I did.

    it is difficult enough these days being a female attracted (or bisexual) trans women, but back in those days it was recipe for total confusion.

    1. Yes it would have been easier Lisa and would have avoided much mental distress. Water under the bridge now but I still remember those days very well...


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