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status report

Merging myself into a whole person has taken me a while but I am finally getting there. What it required was being honest with myself and looking inward with a mindset devoid of shame or guilt.

Listening to others is fine once you have a plan going forward but, in my opinion, the reflection is best done alone and without outside influences. The hardest part for me was the de-deprogramming process of removing the layers of old wallpaper lining my psyche.

The other evening I had dinner with my almost 19 year old daughter and when I brought up whether it bothered her that I was trans she simply said:

“Not at all and I know how hard it must have been growing up in the 60’s and 70’s”

This generation really gets it.

Now that she is older I am sure I would get her blessing if I ever felt I needed to go further. My son is another question but irrespective of what his feelings would be on the subject, transition for me would be at most social hence it wouldn’t influence him when we are together. Right now however there are no such plans.

Besides, hormone treatments wouldn't be a good idea for someone who has already had a stroke and I don’t feel I need them to be myself. Living in both gender roles may have some disadvantages, but I have found that this is what works best for me.

As far as this blog goes, I have turned it more outward and it is increasingly militant about the discrimination that we face because I don't want another transgender person to grow up the way I had to with no information. This caused me a great deal of grief and with that spirit in mind, I will continue to point out prejudice, dishonesty and ignorance if it can help someone else.

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