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status report

Merging myself into a whole person has taken me a while but I am finally getting there. What it required was being honest with myself and looking inward with a mindset devoid of shame or guilt.

Listening to others is fine once you have a plan going forward but, in my opinion, the reflection is best done alone and without outside influences. The hardest part for me was the de-deprogramming process of removing the layers of old wallpaper lining my psyche.

The other evening I had dinner with my almost 19 year old daughter and when I brought up whether it bothered her that I was trans she simply said:

“Not at all and I know how hard it must have been growing up in the 60’s and 70’s”

This generation really gets it.

Now that she is older I am sure I would get her blessing if I ever felt I needed to go further. My son is another question but irrespective of what his feelings would be on the subject, transition for me would be at most social hence it wouldn’t influence him when we are together. Right now however there are no such plans.

Besides, hormone treatments wouldn't be a good idea for someone who has already had a stroke and I don’t feel I need them to be myself. Living in both gender roles may have some disadvantages, but I have found that this is what works best for me.

As far as this blog goes, I have turned it more outward and it is increasingly militant about the discrimination that we face because I don't want another transgender person to grow up the way I had to with no information. This caused me a great deal of grief and with that spirit in mind, I will continue to point out prejudice, dishonesty and ignorance if it can help someone else.

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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

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Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

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Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

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Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…