Skip to main content


Marni Panas grew up in a practicing Catholic household so her upbringing was filled with doubt and guilt regarding her gender issues. In that regard I can strongly relate to her personal struggle.

In this article she says:

“You know from an early age if someone were to find out it would be awful. You get good at keeping a secret. You get good at being alone.” At 25 and still living as a man, she met her future wife, Laurina. About a month into their relationship, Panas told Laurina her truth. “Anyone would be lucky in life to have a partner who makes you believe you can be better, makes you believe you can do more. Laurina has been that gift to me all along.”

That her marriage has managed to survive against the odds is an amazing thing which cannot be downplayed.

I have seen Marni on YouTube videos for transgender causes and being interviewed alone and she is charming, confident and a strong and public advocate for transgender rights in deeply conservative Alberta....


  1. "You get good at keeping a secret." I wonder how good we really are at keeping secrets? I sometimes wonder whether the person which is most in the dark about our "walk" is the collective ourselves. We may try with a good deal of vigor to practice discretion, but the telltale signs, the thread in the labyrinth we have constructed, are out there.

    1. Kati I was so good at it that as I have come out to people (including my family) I got lots of blank stares of disbelief. I just couldn't allow any of this to get out which increased the pressure on me that much more. I did indeed build a tangled web of a life for a long time..

  2. Perhaps you have been better at keeping a secret than most. However, as a long-standing member secret-keeper society, I think all secret-keepers pay a high price. Keeping something private requires a lot of energy and adds a great deal of anxiety to day-to-day living. In some respects secret-keeping mirrors the gerbil on its exercise wheel: lots of activity but it doesn't really get one anywhere. I can't help but wonder what things I might have accomplished if I hadn't spent 40+ years keeping part of me (well, maybe most of me) secret. Questions, questions... I never seem to have any answers. Sorry to be so tiresome.

  3. Kati please you are hardly being tiresome.

    That anxiety of day to day living and keeping my being trans secret was slowly killing me which is why I had to come out. I paid the price of a divorce and a stroke but I survived and I am not going back.

    The journey of self discovery continues but with a peaceful mind...

  4. What a delightful story. Thank you for posting it!

    I can certainly recall having such a dreadful and shameful secret. What a burden for young children to bear. Young people as well as adults! Marni deserves our praise that she took the risk to come out to her love. It could have gone either way, of course. In my opinion (with the benefit of too much hindsight) either way would have been better for Marni than trying to maintain that secret.


Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…