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tangible

Since I am alone when out as Joanna most of the time, I tend to be chatty with people.

I don’t start out looking to talk to just anyone but sometimes a small comment will turn into an exchange and then suddenly blossom into a discussion; and so it was with Michelle this week who is a friendly 66-year-old separated woman living alone in the downtown core.

There we were at the sugar and milk stand dressing our coffees when we struck up a conversation and ended up sitting at the same table.

Michelle lives with her dog and a cat and by her own admission she doesn’t get out much. So after we had finished our coffees she asked if I would like to do this again. So we ended up exchanging numbers and promised that one would eventually call the other.

By the questions she asked and comments she made, Michelle doesn’t know that I am transgender and I am not in any hurry to divulge it. It doesn’t matter because we are two people who may or may not overlap more than a few times and I will cross that bridge when I get there should I ever feel I need to.

There are now many more people who know Joanna who have no knowledge of my transgender status than those who do. This has had the effect of drastically increasing my confidence thus allowing me to be fully relaxed when out in public and has entrenched my transgender identity as something real and tangible.

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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

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feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…