Skip to main content

ugly

I was listening to the program Tapestry on CBC radio on Sunday and there was a fascinating guest on. His name is Robert Hoge and he was born with a facial tumor.

His eyes were shifted dramatically to each side of his face and his mother was shocked to see her newborn baby boy and wondered what life would be like for him. His parents did their best to raise him as a normal child and he underwent a series of painful operations to make him as acceptable as possible to society.

Robert sounds like a well-grounded and intelligent man who understands the price of being or looking different and has written a book about it called "Ugly: My Memoir". Even now grown men and women will ask him questions without the slightest bit of tact. Some are genuinely curious and don’t mean any harm while others are simply cruel.

He has two daughters who love him and he expected that one day one or both would come to a stage where they would be embarrassed by him. It never happened.

But still, we live in a world where you must develop a sense of yourself and become as immune as you can to the slings and arrows that you will face.

I myself learnt this lesson early because I was born with a defect of the ears which had them jug out and as result I was insulted by children and adults alike until I had an operation at the age of 7 to correct them. The education in the mean spirited nature of some people probably helped keep my dysphoria a secret all the longer because I feared rejection.

Today both my children love me for who I am and that is all we can hope for and regardless of what the world thinks of you, it is important that this internal respect for your dignity as a human be your guiding compass and never mind what the world thinks.

I know Robert doesn’t.


Comments

  1. Good post, good point.

    Most humans are insecure and rely heavily on the opinions of others. But when you're visibly different and subject to ridicule, you have to deal with that one way or another. When you're different but not obviously so, you get to choose whether or not to expose yourself to opprobrium. Thanks for sharing your struggle with both.

    My reaction to being transgender was, at an early age, to reject the opinions of others. From ages 10-13 I deeply studied the issue and realized even experts didn't understand this condition -- and the average person was clueless. I knew in my heart there was nothing wrong with me so their judgment (individually or collectively) was meaningless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome and I wish I had been as fortunate as you in understanding myself sooner. I fought back very hard against being transgender and wasted many years of energy. I have become as educated on this issue as one can get and have come to your same conclusion.

      What i fight against now is ignorance and the academic hubris of the "so called" experts who presume they understand what makes us tick but clearly do not.

      In that sense my blog is mostly about justice and tolerance for all.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

prejudice disguised as objective rectitude

So here is Professor Jordan Peterson perhaps justly calling out the excesses of political correctness gone mad. But then he extends it to not indulging transgender people the basic dignity of being addressed in their preferred pronoun. To do so for him would cost nothing and to stand on literal principle seems to serve little use other than to send a message of disdain.

If you have transitioned or even live as the opposite gender is costs me nothing to address you in your preferred pronouns. What difference does it make to me and what am I trying to tell you when I don't?

Peterson wants to stand on his rights to call reality what it is except that in this case the exact objective escapes me. But of course the right wing Federalist is in love with him because he calls a spade a spade.

If I see a rock I can call it that but then the rock doesn’t have any feelings. To address a transgender woman "her" and "she" is not undermining my rights as a person in any way b…

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…