Skip to main content

ugly

I was listening to the program Tapestry on CBC radio on Sunday and there was a fascinating guest on. His name is Robert Hoge and he was born with a facial tumor.

His eyes were shifted dramatically to each side of his face and his mother was shocked to see her newborn baby boy and wondered what life would be like for him. His parents did their best to raise him as a normal child and he underwent a series of painful operations to make him as acceptable as possible to society.

Robert sounds like a well-grounded and intelligent man who understands the price of being or looking different and has written a book about it called "Ugly: My Memoir". Even now grown men and women will ask him questions without the slightest bit of tact. Some are genuinely curious and don’t mean any harm while others are simply cruel.

He has two daughters who love him and he expected that one day one or both would come to a stage where they would be embarrassed by him. It never happened.

But still, we live in a world where you must develop a sense of yourself and become as immune as you can to the slings and arrows that you will face.

I myself learnt this lesson early because I was born with a defect of the ears which had them jug out and as result I was insulted by children and adults alike until I had an operation at the age of 7 to correct them. The education in the mean spirited nature of some people probably helped keep my dysphoria a secret all the longer because I feared rejection.

Today both my children love me for who I am and that is all we can hope for and regardless of what the world thinks of you, it is important that this internal respect for your dignity as a human be your guiding compass and never mind what the world thinks.

I know Robert doesn’t.


Comments

  1. Good post, good point.

    Most humans are insecure and rely heavily on the opinions of others. But when you're visibly different and subject to ridicule, you have to deal with that one way or another. When you're different but not obviously so, you get to choose whether or not to expose yourself to opprobrium. Thanks for sharing your struggle with both.

    My reaction to being transgender was, at an early age, to reject the opinions of others. From ages 10-13 I deeply studied the issue and realized even experts didn't understand this condition -- and the average person was clueless. I knew in my heart there was nothing wrong with me so their judgment (individually or collectively) was meaningless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are welcome and I wish I had been as fortunate as you in understanding myself sooner. I fought back very hard against being transgender and wasted many years of energy. I have become as educated on this issue as one can get and have come to your same conclusion.

      What i fight against now is ignorance and the academic hubris of the "so called" experts who presume they understand what makes us tick but clearly do not.

      In that sense my blog is mostly about justice and tolerance for all.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…