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call me a cynic

The Canadian Senate was presented with a proposed bill C-16 which would update the Canadian Human Rights act to include the terms "gender identity" and "gender expression"

After the hearing, Marni Panas who was there testifying before a committee in order to defend these changes said this:

"That's the underlying bias that really perpetuates this debate, that transgender women aren't truly women. That fact is I'm real," she said. "Let me assure you, somebody doesn't come out as a transgender woman for privilege. It comes at a great cost. I've lost my parents. I'm going through a divorce."

Marni had thus far managed to keep her marriage and family together. Well now it appears that this is about to change and it is not so surprising to me for it is just not an obvious thing for a genetic woman to accept and certainly less so when the transgender partner actually transitions. I know of no marriages where the trans person has undergone a transition and the woman is truly okay with that outcome. I am not saying they don’t exist mind you just that I do not know of any.

So as disappointing as that must be for Marni she should not be surprised given she was bucking the statistics. At least I hope she continues to have a working relationship with her former spouse so that they can cooperate in raising their son.

Her great work for the transgender community may blossom even more now and her wife will hopefully have a chance at life with a cisgender man.

I have come to that point where being truly myself is more important than trying to be someone I am not in order to fit someone into my life. Perhaps this will be a positive thing for Marni in the long run.

So call me a cynic but I wasn't that surprised with the outcome.

Marni Panas


  1. Call me a cynic, but I find the notion that marriages must survive anything a tad pathological. As Dan Savage opined, there is something wrong with a culture whose only understanding of a successful relationship as one in which one of the partners does at the end.

    I was I a relationship (post transition) for 7 years. People kept saying, "Gosh, I'm sorry. That's a long time for things not to work out." Curious. What not work out? I gave love. I received love. I am a better person for having that relationship. My ex partner will always be a part of me, and I treasure that.

    I'm not saying I wasn't sad, or that it was easy to decide we needed to separate. I was devastated, and cling to the relationship probably longer than I should have. But I am no longer in it, and that's okay. I grieved appropriately, and look back with fondness.

    If couples want to give a marriage a shot as one partner transitions sex or gender, by all means! It's just that it's okay - and I mean really okay - for either partner to say it's not going to work, and to move on. That does not diminish the reality or the nature of the love that brought the couple together in the first place. In fact, that love might be one of the reasons one partner was able to come to terms with and come out about their gender issues. If that's the case, consider the relationship a success of its own kind.

    Everyone transitions somehow. Everything ends, even our lives. Our relationships should be judged by how we helped one another experience love, how we helped one another grow.

    Whether Marni finds a man, a woman, a non-binary person, or nobody, she has herself. I wish her happiness in whatever form it comes.

    1. The older I get the more agree with your viewpoint. We have life experiences and they help form us whether positive or negative. The gift of yourself is the biggest gift you can receive and sometimes that requires growth through some pain.

      I like the way you think Caryn...


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