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"Joanna do you have a hormone problem?"

“Joanna do you have a hormone problem?”

Asks Grace who has known me for about 5 years and works at a department store cosmetics counter apparently and has always wondered whether I was born a boy but only today finds the courage to ask. I told her to be perfectly at ease.

It must be said that I did not present quite as well back then as I do now and occasionally would miss stray chest hairs. She must have seen those and just never said anything.

“Clearly you are a woman but you are large and you have hair”

She mentions my voice and my demeanor as bolstering her confidence.

Later when I got home I noticed one or two strays on my chest I had missed and made a mental note to never let that happen again. I chalk that up to declining vision and need to wear my glasses and make sure. For the record I have very little chest hair to begin with but that is no excuse for laziness.

I didn’t go into my history with Grace as I rarely see her but I probably should have. She is a middle east Christian who I am not sure would understand about being transgender. So all this time she had a nagging doubt but only now thought to explore. Maybe it was because I was particularly chatty and comfortable that day.

I thought later about those cis women who sometimes get mistaken for transgender women in this new environment. People are no longer sure what they are seeing because the spectrum has become larger than just the old binary. Some transgender women fall completely off the radar because they are so beautiful and so feminine you would never think to doubt and now some cis women are suddenly suspected as transsexuals.

No matter how well I present there will always be doubt because I stand out so I have taught myself to be comfortable at all times because that is never going to change. What I can change and control is how I feel about myself.

Grace and I kiss each other's cheeks and I am on my way determined to inspect myself more carefully before heading out the door.



Comments

  1. I can remember watching my Grandmother carefully inspecting herself before heading out the door. Just part of being a woman as far as I can tell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Halle you can be sure I shall be as careful as your grandmother before heading out the door...

      Delete

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