Skip to main content

comfortable

Things are going fine in Toronto and I have made a new routine for myself.

For example, Simons has opened a store in Mississauga and this lovely young lady who works there named Rica is so nice to me when she sees me. She is also from Montreal and she asked me how I like it so far. She greets me with “so you’re back!” with such a warmth and friendliness.

It is not hard to establish a routine when you are accustomed to living a certain way and I don’t give presenting as Joanna a second thought anymore because I am not out there to test myself as much as to just be myself. Spending entire weekends as Joanna has also allowed me to see where my comfort zone lies.

Walking into places like Sephora I am not even noticed and then suddenly one of the young sales representatives will greet me and ask me how she can be of service. I am just another woman customer to them and no one even so much as furls a brow in my presence; something which I very much owe to knowing who I am on the inside.

Yesterday in the same Square One shopping center with the Simons store I asked someone where the men's department was as I was looking for some pants for the office. Suddenly we were deep in conversation because she found out I was from Montreal (where she was also originally from) and we must have carried on for a good 10 minutes before we were both on our way.

It's just comfortable.



Comments

  1. Good for you! Moving in the right direction is always positive, especially when it occurs with increasing ease.

    Seeing your mention of Mississauga reminds me of something I don't know if you saw on my blog. Last month, while visiting two thrift-stores in Mississauga (Talize) with my friends, I did something I've never done before: used a store dressing room to try on women's clothing. A baby-step, perhaps, but in the right direction.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There you go Ally..baby steps and whatever works for you

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


indoctrination

As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…