Skip to main content

good advice

Now here is a fellow writing to an Irish advice column where he gets some very perceptive feedback from Brian O'Reilley.

While my experience or yours may differ from this person's, the point is that he is searching too adamantly for a category to slot himself into.

The best advice he receives:

"Don't feel pressured to put labels on yourself, they're unnecessary"


http://www.independent.ie/style/sex-relationships/ask-brian-ive-started-crossdressing-after-discovering-my-girlfriend-cheated-on-me-35976717.html


Comments

  1. But labels can help, too. It's good to know whether one is gay, straight, trans, etc., especially if/when he has a new GF. He brought up so many issues that I think the best advice was: "You should also explore the gender issues you have identified, but I think it might be worth talking to a qualified professional about it." I completely agree that nothing he described is wrong or shameful but I would think it helpful for him to explore and determine where he is in the real world. Playing around with cyber sex is a thrill perhaps but shouldn't be mistaken for determining his sexuality, gender...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you Barry and I am not advocating playing with cybersex but more harping on the point to not be in a rush to label yourself. He could be just a man who enjoys dressing up from time to time who may or may not be bisexual for example. The advice was to take a deep breath and explore and not look for a quick sticker tag...

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


indoctrination

As transgender people, organized religion hasn't really been our friend however on the other hand it has often had little to do with true spirituality. I needed to learn this over time and much of what I was taught growing up was steeped in the judgmental superstition of society instead of what some creator would demand of me.

Regardless of your belief system, you are a child of the universe and have been endowed with uniqueness and goodness of spirit. You have probably never wished anyone ill will and you have tried your best to live within the absurd coordinate system of humanity. Yet somehow belonging to the LGBT community was entirely your fault.

As I have grown older this inherent irrationality became increasingly evident to me. I knew I was a fundamentally good person and yet I was different in a way which was not of my choosing. Hence with this comprehension my self appreciation and esteem grew in proportion.

Religion for me today seems forever trapped in the misinterpretat…

more thoughts on cross gender arousal

I have been reflecting for many years on how cross gender arousal originates.

Firstly, the transgender child has already exhibited (or hidden) some gender variance for several years before they arrive at puberty (I wasn't older than 4 when scolded for wearing my mother's shoes). But when they hit puberty a dilemma occurs: the object of the sexual attraction is also someone whose gender they identify with either fully or partly. This contradiction affects the imprinting of the sexual identity but it is not well described as target location error but rather as a pull in two separate directions which leaves the gynephilic adolescent facing two distinct paths. I was keenly aware of this problem but wanted to be normal so I suppressed the dysphoric feelings as hard as I could. I wasn't attracted to my own image as a woman but rather to the idea of being a desirable woman as well as being with one. That juxtaposition fused to my gender core and I was left with a riddle to solve:…