We met this past Saturday after me having cancelled once by email saying that I didn’t really want to enter into anything right now.
She was a perfectly nice person and very well educated to boot and her father had been my high school French teacher as it turns out. We spoke for 3 hours and I laid all my cards on the table because by this age I don't do any form of pretence. It went well and the conversation flowed nicely.
But then yesterday I weighed everything and decided I am not going to pursue anything but I cannot explain why. Maybe it’s the general feeling that I don’t want to go through all the work again. My life is far from perfect and yet I can manage things on my own better than if I add another set of constraints to it. Relationships are hard enough without dysphoria added in for good measure.
Call it a case of cold feet I don't know but after two long term relationships not working I would rather keep things simple; maybe even for the long haul. I am wondering if as we age we know ourselves better and are less prone to take risk. For now that is what I will chalk it up to at least.
This feeling may subside and it might not but I will just take things as they come.