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progress

There is something very powerful about being more in control and the master of when and how I want to express gender; aside from work of course which is not a situation I am going to change at this stage unless I transitioned and changed companies.

This is the most comfortable I have ever felt with my gender dysphoria management which is a far cry from where I was even 10 years ago. Have I progressed towards transition? You could say that but then transition is entirely what I want it to mean and I have chosen that to signify moving from one state of unrest to one of more calm and balance.

I don’t feel angst, am not conflicted and am letting life take me organically where it must without feeling like I am swimming upstream against the current. My children's increasing autonomy is giving me the freedom to redefine my life completely and being away from home has been beneficial in helping me push a reset button.

The new reality is a reshaping of what used to be a very defined role of caretaker and provider and as much as I have relished that responsibility, it has begun to make different types of demands requiring less physical input and time.

It turns out that we suffer mostly due to the self imposed pressure of trying to be someone we cannot be. As transgender individuals we try to shoehorn ourselves into roles that go against that nature rather than respect it and this was what I needed to learn for myself. Those who have followed my blog from the beginning know how much effort it took me to shed those constraints.

Now that I am in this interesting new plateau in my life, I look forward to further exploration.


Comments

  1. Fantastic! Congratulations! Worthy of some very conscious celebration.

    Transition is exactly what you said. From repression and anguish to self confidence and peace. It does not get to be defined in any more specific or detailed terms by anyone but the person undergoing it. Progressed toward transition? More like your transition has progressed.

    May you move ever forward!

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    1. I very much appreciate your input Caryn thank you!

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