Skip to main content

mind the gap

I don't think I will ever physically transition because I have thought this over at great length and do not see the value in it for me. My gender dysphoria requires that I express myself as a female and of course that will continue. But what is to be gained by modifying my body is far less clear to me.

This is how dysphoria works: it is the gap between your perceived sense of gender and your birth sex. Except, that not everyone suffers it to the same degree. That I pass as a female in public helps me tremendously and tends to my dysphoric feelings in a dramatic way.

I am very realistic about things and mull things over a million times before reacting and no matter how much I reflect and no matter how bad my dysphoria is on certain days (and some are much worse than others), I ultimately arrive at the same conclusion.

The only remaining issue at hand is whether I will ever work as a female in my current profession; in other words, will I transition socially within the next few years. I am still undecided on this issue but I will let it percolate and see what opportunities arise. However even if that option does not materialize it is not a game breaker for me.

When I am done my career is another matter altogether and then it's fair game.


Comments

  1. While I think we are similar in many ways, we're opposites in this case. I rarely crossdress. It just depresses me to do so. I just don't feel right expressing myself as a woman without the correct equipment. Fake boobs and tucking just depresses me. I really wish I could get this behind me and calm the dysphoria as you do. Nevertheless, I continue to maintain by keeping my mind in more-or-less of a female mode, exercising, etc.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know we are opposites in this way Calie and for me the dressing is my only life line which can serve as a substitute for not transitioning. Without it I would be completely despondent and my dysphoria level would rise. But once again it shows how different and alike we all are..

      Delete
  2. An error in your first sentence initially confused me. I believe you meant to write "ever" instead of "never." You might want to fix that for future readers.

    I've never wanted to alter my body surgically or otherwise. Our problem, I believe, is society, not the shape nature made us. Plus, surgery is always risky; in my opinion, it should be reserved for life-threatening conditions. I feel the same way about cisgender women getting cosmetic surgery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good catch Ally and thanks for the insightful comment

      Delete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…