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mind the gap

I don't think I will ever physically transition because I have thought this over at great length and do not see the value in it for me. My gender dysphoria requires that I express myself as a female and of course that will continue. But what is to be gained by modifying my body is far less clear to me.

This is how dysphoria works: it is the gap between your perceived sense of gender and your birth sex. Except, that not everyone suffers it to the same degree. That I pass as a female in public helps me tremendously and tends to my dysphoric feelings in a dramatic way.

I am very realistic about things and mull things over a million times before reacting and no matter how much I reflect and no matter how bad my dysphoria is on certain days (and some are much worse than others), I ultimately arrive at the same conclusion.

The only remaining issue at hand is whether I will ever work as a female in my current profession; in other words, will I transition socially within the next few years. I am still undecided on this issue but I will let it percolate and see what opportunities arise. However even if that option does not materialize it is not a game breaker for me.

When I am done my career is another matter altogether and then it's fair game.


Comments

  1. While I think we are similar in many ways, we're opposites in this case. I rarely crossdress. It just depresses me to do so. I just don't feel right expressing myself as a woman without the correct equipment. Fake boobs and tucking just depresses me. I really wish I could get this behind me and calm the dysphoria as you do. Nevertheless, I continue to maintain by keeping my mind in more-or-less of a female mode, exercising, etc.

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    Replies
    1. I know we are opposites in this way Calie and for me the dressing is my only life line which can serve as a substitute for not transitioning. Without it I would be completely despondent and my dysphoria level would rise. But once again it shows how different and alike we all are..

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  2. An error in your first sentence initially confused me. I believe you meant to write "ever" instead of "never." You might want to fix that for future readers.

    I've never wanted to alter my body surgically or otherwise. Our problem, I believe, is society, not the shape nature made us. Plus, surgery is always risky; in my opinion, it should be reserved for life-threatening conditions. I feel the same way about cisgender women getting cosmetic surgery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good catch Ally and thanks for the insightful comment

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