Skip to main content


Montreal sexologist Helene Cote called me recently asking about references regarding detransition. Apparently a journalist had approached her and she thought I might know some people who could help feed the story.

I told her that I am not in a position to know this subject as well as Third Way Trans or Joel Nowak and I gave her those names as the best online resources that I know on the topic. After all, both transitioned and lived full time for years before deciding to revert to living as males.

If you recall, Helene is associated with the Montreal General Gender Clinic who eventually refers transsexuals to Dr. Brassard who is a foremost GRS surgeon here in Montreal. I stopped this process back in 2007 as my life was in complete turmoil and even abandoned continued therapy for fear of groupthink and feeling pressured to begin a process that might sweep me up into something I might regret later. But clearly the clinic does amazing work and does not cajole anyone into anything.

About 3 years ago, Helene had wanted me to join her group to act as a counterbalance to people who saw transition as the only viable option to treating gender dysphoria. I politely declined at that time because I still hadn’t formulated my own thinking on my path and was again fearful of groupthink. Turns out that one of Helene’s colleagues wants to see the day when transgender people will have a myriad of options which would of course include full transition. This position runs counter to what used to be heresy in transsexual circles where transition was viewed as the only legitimate path.

I am beginning to see that with information and public acceptance people are indeed experimenting with their options and here is one such example of a young person who after much reflection and living full time for a year, decided to not follow through with transition. It should be noted that the family support was entirely there no matter which way he decided to go and that he would have made a lovely young woman...


  1. It will never cease to pain me that trans people are pressured WITHIN the community, including those entrusted with our medical care to pursue full physical transition because it’s just what you do. The first therapist I ever approached, when I was but 21, immediately diagnosed me, and told me at session 1 that I should plan for surgery. I walked out, even though I kinda saw that in my future too. She could not know that from one look at me, no matter how good her trans-dar. The therapist I eventually used, after other even less helpful consultations, counseled me to examine all options available, even noting many for me that I had not thought of nor was even remotely interested in. My eventual transition is hardly validation for my first therapist’s approach. My stability upon finding my path is very much a testament to my actual therapist’s.

    At so called support groups, too many young people get sucked in to the notion that they need to look and present as I do lest they be illegitimate. Please, I always implore, find yourself in your mind before letting anyone else’s presentation sway you in any direction. Your journey is yours, and the only universal goals are happiness, stability and peace. What they look like will be as diverse as the individuals seeking it.

    1. Caryn we are beginning to see this less and less which is a good thing. People are as unique as the stars on the heavens and have a right to determine their own future without the pressure that you must transition or conversely the pressure that you should never consider it.

    2. I am always glad to see you contribute to this blog :)


Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…