Skip to main content

why you will marry the wrong person

This positively brilliant talk by Alain de Botton should be viewed by anyone who has ever been in a relationship or hopes to be in one. It deals with our blind spots and misinterpretations of what love is and how our expectations are often not aligned with reality.

I read his article of the same title in the New York Times last year and it was one of the best I have ever read on this subject.

Well worth your time in my opinion.


Comments

  1. Very interesting, thought provoking. I liked the way he summed it up at the end: we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. I much prefer to do than to withdraw into don't. It's a lot more fun to be have loved and lost than not to have loved. That, and I much prefer to enjoy experiences with someone else than by myself.

    That said, being transgender sure seems to complicate things. Who knows the exact statistics but it seems safe to say that less than 1% of the population is trans. I consider myself to be lesbian so and that is estimated at 3% of the ~50% that are women. What percentage of women (trans or not) might be interested in a trans woman, what percentage of those might be interested in me, and what percentage might I pine for? It doesn't seem that the statistics aren't in my favor.

    To hell with stats. What matters, really matters, is putting oneself out there into the world, make friends and acquaintances, and see what pops up. :-)

    Sorry, I seem to have gone off on a tangent!

    ReplyDelete
  2. We cannot worry about such things Emma because in spite of the low odds you cannot be anything other than yourself which in the end has far more value.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree completely. Living authentically is everything. It takes a bit of practice to understand what that means and who I really am after so many years of suppression. But every day is a wonderful adventure!

      Delete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...