Skip to main content

a visit to the sexologist

This past week I went to see Montreal sexologist Helene Cote. She is still affiliated with the Montreal General Hospital gender identity clinic which refers some transgender patients to now world renowned surgeon Dr. Pierre Brassard. The program seems to be ending from what she tells me; at least the one that was under the tutorship of Dr Assalian who oversaw my treatment in 2007.

Helene has treated and continues to treat many transsexual patients and my visit was really just a checkup to discuss where I am. It helps to do this with someone who has seen many other transsexuals and understands how we think (without being one herself).

For one thing I am glad that the therapists like Helene who are working on the front lines do not buy into the AGP myth. I am on the record with her that I am not Blanchard’s biggest fan and have explained my take on the mechanics of arousal (which I will address in my upcoming book). I was also pleasantly surprised to learn from her that the diagnostic world has dropped the use of heterosexual and homosexual to describe patients in favor of the phrases: "attracted to men" or "attracted to women"

The other interesting point she mentioned is the predominance of her patients who come from scientific backgrounds such as engineering, physics and computer science. I have wondered why so many transsexuals gravitate towards these fields myself but have not come up with an explanation that I find definitive.

The session was helpful in that she sees I am on a stable path and it helped me to validate my thought process with someone working in this field. I seem to have arrived at an echelon where I am comfortable and may just remain here. In fact, she told me more of her patients than ever are opting for social transitions and foregoing even HRT and surgery. I personally see this as a great thing because it tailors the treatment to the needs of the individual rather than adhering to a one size fits all formula.

Image result for one size fits all

Comments

  1. I think that determining what we need to do (e.g., social transition, HRT, surgery) is based on what individuals need to feel at home in their own skin. That’s the way it seems to me. I’m not sure I need surgery, for example.

    I am contemplating going on long walks such the Camino de Santiago, which is prioritizing my desire for legal name and gender change so my passport supports my real need to stay in women’s hostels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that should be relatively easy to do Emma. In Quebec it is a formality of paperwork that is required and that is all. Basically it is like swearing an oath whereas before you had to produce proof of GRS.

      Delete
    2. "Should be" and "actually" are two different things in the US. Yes, we no longer need proof of GRS but I'm learning that I need two letters (that won't be hard to get) from a doctor and therapist, go to court (here in Washington state) to have gender updated, and the DMV for the name. I also believe that I need to have my birth certificate updated (in California) to get the passport changed. Yes, it's much much easier than before but nonetheless daunting. I found that we can have a free 1/2 hour appt with an attorney for LGBT matters and mine is next week to see what he/she/they advise!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















No, I don't mind

When Halle and I last got together the woman serving us said:

"I can't wait to get home and take off my bra you know what I mean ladies?"

Arguably the statement wasn't the most elegant thing to say to perfect strangers but it made me reflect.

The thing is I don't mind wearing a bra because it is one more reminder that I am trans. Feeling my breast forms pressed up against my skin and cupped within the confines of my bra makes me comfortable and is another piece which contributes towards soothing my gender dysphoria.

There are days when the combination of the feel of my bra and forms, the pull of my dangly earrings and the feel of my feet in heels is a powerful combination which feeds my soul. I used to think this was me fooling myself until I finally admitted that my identity is being affirmed through these accoutrements. They are like badges that allow me to be addressed and treated in the manner I want; like a woman.

The gender identity of cis people is fed in …