Contrast this with today where I relish a reality which gives me the freedom to opt out of FFS or hormones (should I decide never to take them).
Transgender people go through phases (sometimes for many years) when we plunge headfirst into defining our masculinity to avoid the inevitable acceptance which must come. We grow beards (as I did in college) and go to the gym to forget that deep inside there is an immovable and permanent identity.
As I examine how I want to live the rest of my life, it is good to know I can bank on genetics I had nothing to do with to help keep my options open.
The picture below is over 10 years old now and I used to view it with a strange mixture of satisfaction and embarrassment; such was the conundrum that my mind was in. But the psyche cannot remain in that state forever and it must come to a place of resolute knowledge of who one is and accept it.
I used to wonder if the face I was given was somehow correlated to my transgender nature and why my brother was not given the same traits I did not like about myself. I don't expect to ever have that answer.