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how this blog has changed over time

When I revamped the look of my blog one of the things I deliberately removed was the counter of people who follow it and to pay less attention to my traffic. Also over time my writing began to focus increasingly on what interests me rather than exclusively on trans issues. We are all the sum of a complex series of parts and those aspects are all important but in the early days of this blog, when I was struggling with guilt, shame and angst about who I was, I was single minded in my pursuit to sort out those feelings. I was writing for me and I didn’t particularly care who read it. It was my therapy and if another trans person responded it was a bonus.

As my traffic increased I began to feel some pressure to keep the blog as interesting as possible which makes one think about the target audience and who will stop reading it if you express political views or focus too much on the technical aspects of being trans instead of being lighthearted. Hence I strove for a balance that I thought would work.

But then something happened: those considerations largely melted away and I began to just focus on what I wanted to say and to keep this blog as an expression of who I am. As most of you know I am not interested in having this space be a daily diary of my life because I am assuming those who read my blog are, as I am, far more interested in how a person thinks than what a person does. However, when I do share some details of my life it is done in the spirit of giving someone the courage to be themselves and to not be afraid of what others think.

It’s not to say that I don’t care about the audience; far from it. But I do not overly focus on what will receive more traffic because this was never my aim. This blog began as a self-help platform and it morphed into something else entirely. In the process, I became addicted to putting words to the blank page.

As I encountered a dead end on the scientific front, I began to focus more on my feelings on what being trans means. Barring a conclusive explanation of what made me this way, I needed to let myself feel more and analyze less which has helped me sort through emotions I had not allowed myself to indulge.

Being trans is not an easy road and we need to help each other as well as ourselves using whatever vehicle works.


Comments

  1. Both are smart adjustments. Done right, blogging is pursued for ourselves, not to attract or please a mass audience. (It's delusional to believe we, non-celebrities, will get millions of readers.) So catering to a non-existent mass audience is foolish. And second, expanding your subjects to include the diverse ideas passing through our heads is positive because it adds breadth and interest to the blog. Staying exclusively limited to a single subject (any subject) can become boring. Good work!

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