Skip to main content

taking the plunge ever again

While I was having a bite recently with Ralph (Shybiker) he asked me the following question: “Would you ever be interested in pursuing another relationship?”

I then reflected for a moment and came up with an answer: yes and no.

No, I will never look again in a conscious way. I am not the type of person who goes online and seeks somebody out and finding a fully accepting partner as a transgender person is a bit like finding a needle in a haystack; especially one from my generation. In other words, you would be wasting time searching instead of living your life.

At this point my biggest fear is repression and I will never return to it. Once we achieve an echelon in our transgender journey there is no going back because we must claw our way slowly and deliberately inch by inch just to get where we are. Meeting someone who would have me go backwards is just not something I want at this stage of my life.

Is there openness on my part? Of course there is but it would now take a formidable soul who can look past the window dressing and get to the root of who I am as a person and you don’t find these people every day on the street. I am also an intellectual and would like someone to discuss my thoughts, ideas and feelings with which is very important to me.

Personal experience has left me rather cynical about this whole process and yet find the freedom from the pheromones that drive youth to be very useful. It seems that the biological imperative to mate is at its peak then and it does not often bow to what the mind sometimes warns us of. Life experience tempers those waters and we can now heed the warning bell that signals things may not end well.

It seems every season of life has its particular character.

Image result for calm waters

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…