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taking the plunge ever again

While I was having a bite recently with Ralph (Shybiker) he asked me the following question: “Would you ever be interested in pursuing another relationship?”

I then reflected for a moment and came up with an answer: yes and no.

No, I will never look again in a conscious way. I am not the type of person who goes online and seeks somebody out and finding a fully accepting partner as a transgender person is a bit like finding a needle in a haystack; especially one from my generation. In other words, you would be wasting time searching instead of living your life.

At this point my biggest fear is repression and I will never return to it. Once we achieve an echelon in our transgender journey there is no going back because we must claw our way slowly and deliberately inch by inch just to get where we are. Meeting someone who would have me go backwards is just not something I want at this stage of my life.

Is there openness on my part? Of course there is but it would now take a formidable soul who can look past the window dressing and get to the root of who I am as a person and you don’t find these people every day on the street. I am also an intellectual and would like someone to discuss my thoughts, ideas and feelings with which is very important to me.

Personal experience has left me rather cynical about this whole process and yet find the freedom from the pheromones that drive youth to be very useful. It seems that the biological imperative to mate is at its peak then and it does not often bow to what the mind sometimes warns us of. Life experience tempers those waters and we can now heed the warning bell that signals things may not end well.

It seems every season of life has its particular character.

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